


I Know What I'm Doing...

by Horse_and_arrow



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Confusion, Forgiveness, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-23
Updated: 2014-01-20
Packaged: 2018-01-02 11:10:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 41,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1056067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Horse_and_arrow/pseuds/Horse_and_arrow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After his win at Abu Dhabi, Sebastian is on top of the world. Apart from that one person who keeps creeping into his mind...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Realisation

" Bring the car home Seb"

Sebastian's devilish streak overcame him, he couldn't resist.

"Yeah, yeah, I know what in doing" 

A smile formed on his lips, glad he could still some how associate his friend in an appositive way with this race, by imitating his infamous words, even though Sebastian had been informed that Kimi hadn't made it past the first lap and definitely wouldn't be joining him on the podium to share the champagne. 

As Seb pulled into parc ferme, he was already anticipating the scene. The crowds there to congratulate him, the team watching him from below the podium and the added gift of his parents witnessing his complete domination at the Abu Dhabi circuit. However, a curious, cold, sadness then filled him, Kimi wouldn't be there. Again. Why was this playing on his mind now? Why in one of the greatest moments of his life, well since the last greatest moment of his life, was he thinking about him? 

He was soon brought back to the euphoric reality when he spied his parents in the crowd. The look of pride and love that filled there eyes was enough to push the feelings of sadness away. For now.

 

 

After the podium ceremony, press conferences and media commitments, Sebastian headed to retire to his motor home. He wasn't quite quick enough to sneak away, however, as his fellow German caught up with him.

"Are you coming to the party tonight at the hotel lounge?" said an exuberant Nico Rosberg. 

Nico never really need an excuse for a party, but he had come third in the race. This seemed to be the Mercedes aim for the season and "best of the rest" seemed to be Nico's favourite saying just now. Personally, Seb couldn't understand it.  
Seb considered his words carefully. He knew if he said no, then Nico would pursue him and try and convince him to come, so instead he opted to say yes and think up some excuse when he wasn't under pressure. Bad idea.

Nico's face changed, he raised his eyebrow in almost a shocked way, but just as quickly changed it back to a friendly smile. 

"Ok, i'll pick you up at 9, we can go together, you can be my date" And with that, he turned on his heels, and swayed towards the Mercedes motor home. Seb was left surprised by what he'd gotten himself into, but more so by the little wink Nico had gave as he left.

 

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

After a debrief and final words of congratulations to the team of such a good job, Seb headed back to his hotel. Once he got in the door, he threw himself down on the bed with a soft flump. What a day, what a dominance he'd had over everyone. Almost a perfect race, apart from not quite getting that fastest lap and one other small matter, which seemed to be a huge deal to him. Kimi's retirement.  
Seb had heard rumours that Kimi had already left the country, he'd refused to talk to anyone and just, well, left. 

"Sounds like Kimi" Seb said to himself with a mix of distaste and humour in his voice. Not to mention a small smile that formed on his lips and the snigger that left them.  
Seb lay there for a while, longer that he registered, just wondering what Kimi was up to now. Was he still in the country, was he in some bar somewhere drowning his sorrows, or was he lying on his bed reflecting on what could have been, just like Seb.  
Sebastian suddenly became aware of his actions. He had one had behind his head and the other was absentmindedly touching his crotch. In disbelief and horror, Seb quickly sat bolt upright. It took a minute for him to register just what he'd been doing and after some thought, he decided to put it down to coincidence; two separate things that happened to collide. His sadness at his friend's untimely exit from the race and the fact he hadn't had time to himself for things like touching himself for a few days. 

A buzz from his pocket brought him back to reality. It was Nico. 

"Be ready in 20, get you in the lobby," The text simply said. 

"Shit" Seb muttered. Not only had he forgot to make his excuses about not going to the party but he was also going to be late for the party he didn't have an excuse not to go too. 

He quickly undressed whilst the water warmed up in the shower. When in, he just stood there, letting the water cleanse all the sweat, champagne and tension from his skin and bones. With his head bowed and his arms hanging loosely by his side, Seb almost became hypnotised by the sound of the water flowing down his head and past his ears. He enjoyed these moments of complete nothingness where no thoughts fill his head. Except this time a thought did fill his head. Kimi. Just his face. His ice blue/grey eyes staring, looking into his soul, his soft pale lips with the smile most people barely get to see etched on them. 

It was then he became aware of the heat radiating in his groin, an unmistakable feeling of arousal. Seb's eyes opened and confirmed his suspicions. 

"What the..." 

Was he really getting hard at the thought of his friend? He'd always admired Kimi, but not in that way he thought.

 

Seb stroked his stomach and chest with his soapy cloth, head still bowed and transfixed on his ever-growing semi. He also registered how much more sensitive his body felt, especially when running the cloth over his collar bone, navel and his nipples that were growing rosier by the second. Yes, it definitely felt like arousal.

He carried on cleaning, thinking of anything other than Kimi, but the Finn kept sneaking into his thoughts. After cleaning his entire body, apart from his now fully hard cock, he'd came to the conclusion, there was only one way to understand what he was feeling, and that was to confront it. 

Seb threw the soapy cloth down on the shower floor and then hesitated. After a final contemplation he placed one hand on the cold tiles of the shower and the other hand on his warm cock. Seb barely had a second to register the difference in the temperature between the two before the sensation over took him. It was instantaneous and intense as he stroked his thumb over his reddening, precum covered head. His neck snapped back and the thought of Kimi reappeared in his imagination. 

Slowly but firmly, Seb began to set a rhythm that felt right. The hot water was still flowing down over his head, past his shoulders, down his chest past his aching nipples that were now hyper sensitive, and into his groin to meet his hand.  
Seb's imagination was beginning to fabricate scenarios. He thought of Kimi with his fingers wrapped around his cock, stroking it so agonisingly slowly but firmly, finally begging to pick up speed. Seb slowly turned his back to the wall to steady himself, as he could feel his legs beginning to fail him but it also gave him his other hand free to tease his balls, feeling the tightening already beginning to happen. Seb closed his eyes and with a few final rough, firm strokes of his cock, he was descending into ecstasy.  
After the swirly fog of the intense orgasm lifted, Seb stood in the shower, once again with his head bowed and arms heavy by his side. His mind, however, wasn't blank. It was more active than it had been for a long time. It was full of confusion, questioning and some disgust at what he'd just done. His head was full of Kimi.

"I know what in doing" Seb muttered in a questioning tone as he subconsciously washed his body for the second time, shut off the water and stepped out the shower. 

As he past the mirror that was clearing of steam, he caught his reflection. Looking at his face, he saw in his eyes all that he was feeling at that moment. 

" I know what I'm doing" He repeated more confidently this time, but in his heart, still questioning if he was making a statement or asking a question.


	2. Confusion

20 minutes after Nico had text, Sebastian emerged at the hotel lobby. There was no sign of Nico. This made Seb a bit annoyed as he had rushed to get ready in time after his extended shower. He'd decided that it was too late to make up excuses for not going and instead opting for the "show face" approach. Hopefully he could sneak away early or something.  
5 minutes later, Nico appeared from the elevator on Seb's left, swooning in wearing a dark grey suit, a white shirt that was barely buttoned and the same devilish look that had took Sebastian by surprise earlier on.

"Hope you haven't been waiting too long on me, I have a habit of being late. My mum tells me I get it from my father, nothing to do with her." Nico said flippantly, finishing off with a bright smile and a wink. That wink again. 

As Seb followed Nico towards the function, it sounded as if it was already in full swing. He hated things like this, he and Kimi used to chill in each others hotel rooms instead of making appearances at things like these. He wished Kimi was here now, although Seb doubted he could look him in the eye at this moment.  
Sebastian continued on with Nico thinking about how underdressed he felt compared to him. He'd threw on a pair of jeans and a plain t-shirt, very different to the formal attire donned by Nico.

Once they got there drinks, both deciding to start the night off lightly with a beer, they found a small table and took seats opposite each other.  
Sebastian looked around the room. He could see some of his fellow drivers, but it was mostly people there because they wanted to be seen and they could afford to be there. As he watched them socialise for a couple of minutes he became aware of Nico surveying him. He could feel his eyes boring into him like he was silently trying to pull all his deepest darkest secrets from his soul. It un-nerved Seb slightly. He finally picked up the courage to make eye contact with Nico.

"Looking for anyone in particular?" Nico said, lifting his drink up to his mouth, still never breaking eye contact with Seb.

"No, just trying to figure out if I know any of the people in the room." Seb replied in a joking tone, trying to keep the eye contact with Nico, as not to look weak and intimidated.

Nico lowered his drink, twirled the bottle around in his fingers for a while, contemplating his words carefully, and then spoke.

"Thought you were maybe looking for Kimi. I know you are friendly with him". Nico had put a bit too much emphasis on the word "friendly" for Seb's liking, but he decided to put it to the back of his mind. 

" I know as much as you do about Kimi's whereabouts. He could be in this country still, or he could be on his way home by now, who knows." Seb finished his statement with a shrug of his shoulders and tried to keep his tone even and carefree, desperetly trying not to seem bothered by the lack of contact he'd had over the last day with his friend. 

Nico tilted his head and nodded lowly, like he was being sympathetic to someone who'd just had bad news. Seb wasn't fooling anyone, especially not Nico.

 

Seb was thankfully able to change the subject very quickly. He wanted to push the thought of Kimi to the back of his head for a while especially since he was still in slight shock with his actions in the shower earlier that evening. And anyway, there was a lot to talk about with today's race and the incidents, tactics and strategies played. Not to mention all the rumours going around about where drivers and other members of teams would be ending up next season.

Seb was surprised at how easily he could talk to Nico. He was actually having a good time and enjoying the company.  
Nico had lessened the intense stare that he had been surveying Seb with which made him relax. He began to notice the finer details of Nico's body language, the way he leaned back openly and relaxed in his chair and listened intently to Seb through almost hooded eyes. The way he place one hand on his lap and the other on the table, rhythmically tapping them every so often to the beat of the music. He had a certain style and grace about him. It demanded your attention.  
They flowed between English and there native tongue, discovering that they had the same taste in a lot of things from food, to music and, they found as they made there way through the hotel bar list, drinks.

After more than a few drinks, Nico was carefree enough to speak his mind.  
"Sebastian" he almost purred, sitting forward in his chair and changing his stare back to the intense one from earlier. "Do you think we are going to get served anymore alcohol, or should we quit whilst we are ahead and return to my room and abuse the mini bar?"  
Seb was tempted by the thought of drinking more, it was blurring the constant thoughts and confusion surrounding Kimi that kept popping into his head.  
He was, however, more tempted by Nico's foot that was rubbing up the inside of his thigh whilst he considered the half -German half- Finn's question. 

They once again locked eyes, this time it wasn't intimidation in Nico's eyes, it was something more intense.

Nico moved his foot ever further up the inside of Seb's groin, stopping agonisingly close to the top, pausing and slowly making a return journey. All the time, eyes locked onto Seb's, with a fire raging in them that could only spell danger and disaster. 

Seb eventually gained the power of speech. "I think we should quit whilst we are ahead, we aren't going to get any more drink from him" he said to Nico, keeping eye contact and absentmindedly throwing his thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the barman. 

They stared at each other for a split second before Nico jumped up. "Well I have an early plane to catch tomorrow, thanks for the drink. Goodnight" And before Seb could figure out what had happened, Nico was swaying out of the function, smiling and nodding to everyone as he went. 

Seb couldn't process what had just happened. Had he really just been propositioned by Nico then left high and dry? As he sat froze to the spot, contemplating the best way to get back to his room with his second erection of the night, he felt he familiar buzz of his phone against his leg. It was Nico.

The text simply said, "Room 266"

Then it clicked. They didn't want to raise suspicions by leaving together, people in F1 liked to talk, even if they were wrong or right in what they were speculating.  
" Well played Nico Rosberg" Seb thought to himself.

Once he'd giving himself time to gain composure, Sebastian stood up and headed towards the lobby. He wondered if anyone would be suspicious of him leaving so soon after Nico, but as he past the groups of people chatting, he realised they weren't interested in much more than themselves.  
He approached the lift and pressed the button. And then the familiar thought and confusion filled his mind. He'd done well to block it out with alcohol thus far but with recent events filling his mind, sobering him, he felt back at square one.  
The lift arrived and he stepped in an pressed the button for floor 2.  
He leaned back against the mirrored walls of the exuberant lift and rested his head back with his eyes closed.  
What was he getting himself into? Yeah he'd had one-night stands before with other drivers that he was about as friendly with as Nico, but sleeping with Nico seemed to be the problem. He had discovered over the night they had spent chatting that he was attracted to Nico, he found him interesting, intense and exciting. He really thought he could have a good time with him. But no, Nico wasn't really the problem. Kimi was. 

Seb placed his hands over his eyes and rubbed them roughly, allowing a groan like a wounded tiger escape his lips at the same time. Why did he feel like he was about to be unfaithful to Kimi? Kimi was his friend, nothing more, Kimi couldn't give two shits about who Sebastian fucked.  
With this conclusion placed firmly in his consciousness, he left the lift at the 2nd floor without hesitation. 

Turning the corner to his right, he was met with the door of Nico's room. The more than familiar feeling rose in his stomach and the image of Kimi's icy blue/grey eyes and soft lips appeared once again in his head.  
He hesitated slightly, then whilst shaking his head to wash away the image, knocked firmly and confidently on Nico Rosberg's hotel room door.


	3. Distraction

Sebastian had barely crossed the threshold of Nico's hotel room and he was being roughly pushed against the wall. 

Once he was pinned with his wrists restrained either side of his head, Nico very slowly met his gaze. They looked at each other like they had earlier, only this time there seemed to be a look of knowing and acceptance of what this moment was about.

Sebastian moved his hands to try and free himself, to assert some authority over the situation, but to no avail. Nico responded by licking his lips and moving his face closer to Seb. Agonisingly slowly Seb thought as he fought back the urge to just push forward and connect lips with him. Something's are worth the wait he decided.

Eventually there was contact. The softest of brushes between lips. Seb could feel the hot breath of his fellow German, a light smell of or whatever they had been drinking, with a hit of mint. The brush of lips was enough to send shivers down Sebastian's spine and a tingle to his cock. Then, just as he had down at the function, Nico was jumping back and walking away from Seb.

"What are you drinking then? Nico asked in a way that you would ask your mother what you were having for dinner. 

Sebastian stared at Nico for as second, still lost in the sensations of the kiss and confused Nico's actions. He then decided that he'd better speak.

I'll have whatever you're having", He replied, regaining the use of his legs and using them to walk over to the mini bar where Nico was standing. 

With drinks in hand the two drivers headed over to the couch to take a seat. Nico once again looked very relaxed and casual as he sat down on the sofa. He had taken off his suit jacket and had unbuttoned the sleeves on his shirt and rolled them up a bit. He lounged back, one leg crossed over the other with one hand holding his drink resting on the arm of the chair and the other placed along the back. However, he still had his eyes fixed firmly on Seb. Sebastian on the other hand had became very nervous and the way he sat on the edge of the sofa with his hands on his knees, gripping his drink for dear life, made it very obvious.  
He had began to regret his decision to come to Nico's. The feeling he had had at the other side of the door began to creep back in, the overwhelming feeling of guilt he had about being here, in this situation, was returning.

But why? He asked himself. Why should he feel guilty, why can't he just enjoy himself with Nico? The way his body reacted to Nico's words, touch and actions should be the only factors he should have to take into consideration.  
But it wasn't the only factor, there was also the Kimi factor. 

"Am I distracting you from your thoughts, Sebastian?" Nico talking soon brought Sebastian back to reality.

"Sorry. No. I'm, erm just a little nervous." It was true, he was nervous, nervous of hurting someone that in reality, couldn't care less about his current situation. It all felt a bit ridiculous. 

Nico did the sympathetic head tilt again that he had done earlier, then placed his glass on the table next to the sofa. He slowly moved over to Seb and took his drink from his hand, and placed it on the table beside his.

"Sebastian, if you don't want to be here, then go." Nico's words were gentle, but he was still surveying Seb with his intense eyes, eyes that Seb found hard to look away from. Nico placed his hand on Seb's leg and gave him a reassuring squeeze. He then spoke again.  
"I don't want to complicate things, I was hoping we could just, maybe celebrate our achievements today, together. Anyway, I could do with the distraction." Nico whispered the last sentence in Seb's ear, making Seb's body set alight with sensation. 

Nico's words hit home, distraction. Maybe that's what Sebastian needed also. Maybe he just needed to work through these random emotions he keeps getting for Kimi and maybe, just maybe, this was the perfect opportunity.

Having made his decision, Seb placed one of his hands on top of Nico's which was still resting on his leg as the other began to thread through Nico's thick blonde hair. He was going to work through this. He needed to prove to himself that he could have sex with Nico and his relationship, well friendship, with Kimi would be fine.

Nico made the first move. He removed his hand from Seb's leg and tangled his fingers through Seb's hair whilst catching his mouth too roughly, reeling him into a wet, searing kiss. Nothing like the gentleness of the kiss earlier.  
Seb soon responded by placing his palms onto Nico's chest, and softly savouring the warm feeling. Seb teased Nico's mouth for a little while, then eventually granted his tongue entrance. They eventually set into a steady rhythm of kissing and hair pulling, allowing the intensity to simmer down.  
Nico pulled back. Seb hoped that he wasn't going to do his disappearing act again, he was getting a little tired of it. But Nico didn't disappear, instead he smiled at Seb with his devilish look, his whole face lighting up and his gorgeous blue eyes wide with desire. He leaned back into Seb and like earlier, brushed an oh so gentle kiss on him, only this time on the tip of his nose.  
Nico then stood up, took Sebastian by the hands and pulled him up after him. He continued to walk backwards towards the bed, pulling Seb along with him. All the while, eyes locked tightly.  
Sebastian began to feel a little more relaxed, but then worried that the ability to think straight was only gong to bring emotions he'd tried very hard to burry, back to the surface. 

Nico sat on the bed, letting go of Seb's hands. "Strip for me Sebastian." He said, a silkiness to his voice.

Sebastian could feel the nervousness rising in his stomach again but managed to control it. He could do this!  
He started off by pulling his t-shirt over his head and discarding it on the floor. He could feel Nico's eyes all over him. He couldn't decided if he felt excited or embarrassed but when he seen what Nico's hand was doing to his own cock through his trousers, that decision was quickly made for him.  
Sebastian was transfixed on what Nico was doing. He could feel the familiar feeling building in his pants, making his trousers nearly unbearably tight. Nico gave a slight cough and ushered Sebastian to carry on with his striptease.

Sebastian pulled himself together, undoing his belt and trousers. He pulled them down, feeling a little self-conscious standing in front of Nico with just his boxers on. He tried to pull his feel out of his trousers and realised, after nearly falling over, he still had his shoes on. Nico gave a slight laugh and leaned back onto one of his elbows, leaving his other hand free for other things.  
After ridding himself of his shoes and socks, Seb stood up and looked at Nico. He was getting into this now, the way Nico desired him, the way he couldn't take his eyes off Seb, encouraged him on. He was beginning to feel a lot more confident in his decision to forget about his silly feelings towards Kimi. He wanted to have fun with Nico.

"Your turn to strip" he said to Nico, in a nonchalant manner, like it was something you asked your fellow F1 driver to do regularly.

Nico's eyes narrowed, but he didn't protest. He stood up walked over to Seb almost like he was squaring up to him, bringing his face very close to his. He then placed his hand lightly on his shoulder and ushered him to sit where he had just came from.

Nico stood tall, with a slight look of mischief in his smile. Seb was going to be made to suffer.  
Nico seemed to take an eternity to undo his buttons, softly caressing each one as if they were made of delicate glass that could break easily. When he eventually finished with his buttons, he opened his shirt now fully and began to run his hands over his chest and stomach, allowing his head to fall back slightly and his eyes to hood over.  
Seb tried to keep an air of disinterest in his face when watching Nico's performance, not wanting him to think he had Seb wrapped around his little finger, which he did.  
Nico's fingers began to tease the waistband of his trousers and then made a journey south to his crotch. He ever so lightly grazed his finger up his cock, the most delicious sound Sebastian had ever heard escaping his mouth as he did.

Seb couldn't take it anymore, he had to touch himself. He lent back on one elbow as Nico had earlier and placed the other hand down his underwear. He lightly mimicked Nico's actions, grazing his finger up the underside of his now fully erect cock, savouring the intensity he was already feeling. It was Nico's turn to be mesmerised by Seb's actions.

Nico managed to recover, remembering what he was doing. "I better remember and take my shoes off." He joked, giving Seb a wink as he bent down to undo the laces of his shoes. His trousers weren't long in following.

Nico took the few steps over to the bed and knelt down on the floor in front of Sebastian. He began to rub his strong hands up and down Sebastian's thighs, digging his nails in ever so slightly on the return journey. He then trailed soft butterfly like kisses over the red marks he had made with his nails, making Seb buck his hips in anticipation. 

Sebastian was in wonderland. As he sat up a bit more, Nico looked up and smiled. He then stood up and straddled Sebastian. As they both sat on the end of the bed, they locked mouths and felt the intensity rise as it had before.  
Seb ever so slightly rolled his hips, which Nico returned more aggressively. Seb returned the favour back and all of a sudden, it was a competition.  
Before long, the two of them were grappling for dominance, who could be the fastest and who could be the roughest.

Nico stopped, which made Sebastian happy because he hadn't given in first and frustrated because the beautiful comforting weight of Nico was now gone. As Nico stood up, he pulled Sebastian up with him. Nico ridded himself of his underwear, and very kindly helped Sebastian too. 

The two me instantly tangled in a mess of limbs and mouths, pulling at each other desperately, not wanting to break apart, not even for air.  
Sebastian threw Nico down on the bed and landed on top of him. He then worked his way along Nico's stubbled jaw line, allowing himself to take in the scent of his aftershave and natural aroma. As he trailed even more kisses down Nico's body, he used his hands to very lightly tease Nico's sides which sent goose pimples all over him.  
When Seb reached Nico's navel, he licked around it and blew cold air. This made Nico buck, spurring Sebastian on even more. Seb was becoming overwhelmed not only by the mind-blowing noises Nico was admitting and the pure filth that was coming from his mouth, but also the grip he could feel in his hair. It was a grip of desperation. Nico was close. 

Nico dragged Sebastian back up by the hair to meet his mouth with his. The kiss was more frantic than anything now, a release needing to be reached. 

"Look me in the eye when you make me come." Nico panted to Seb, barely able to stop his eyes from glazing over in pure bliss. 

Sebastian this time straddled Nico. He dipped his hips down, allowing there cocks to touch. The sweet impact was nearly enough alone to tip Nico over the edge, clawing at Seb's hips in an almost animalistic way.  
Sebastian cruelly teased Nico, grinding there cocks together agonisingly slowly, allowing as little friction as possible. Nico was a quivering wreck underneath him with a look of pleading in his eyes. Sebastian carried his game on for a couple more minutes before putting him out of his misery.

Seb pushed his hips down into Nico's and with it began thrusting his cock against Nico's. After only a few thrusts, Nico was coming apart under Seb, making his beautiful sounds and holding onto Seb for dear life, a look of euphoria in his beautiful eyes.

Allowing Nico to come down from his high, Seb rolled off him but stayed close as they lay on the foot of the bed. He played along his stomach with his fingers, tracing the line his kisses had made earlier. Once Nico's breathing steadied and he regained some sense of reality, he turned on his side to look at Sebastian. 

"So, what can I do for you then?" Nico asked, beginning to regain the intensity in his eyes that had drawn Sebastian in the first place.

"Surprise me" Sebastian replied, bringing a finger up to Nico's lips to trace the outline. 

Nico roughly pushed Seb onto his back, positioning him down the bed so his legs hung off the end. Nico got out the bed and knelt on the floor where he had earlier. Grazing his fingers up Seb's thighs again, he didn't make the return journey, instead continuing on to Sebastian's now strained cock. Taking Sebastian's entire length in his hand, Nico began to slowly pump, whilst with his other hand he simply cradled his balls.  
Sebastian knew he would pay for the teasing he gave Nico earlier but he wasn't sorry and he definitely wasn't complaining.  
Nico took Seb's cock in his mouth and began an oral assault. His tongue swirled over Seb's rosy head, which made him almost come instantaneously. When Nico noticed this, he withdrew contact all together.  
Sebastian gave a moan of frustration to which Nico gave an evil little chuckle.

"Serves your right" He mutters as he begins to pump Sebastian's cock again, even more slowly. 

Sebastian can't see Nico's face because his neck is set so far back with ecstasy but he can quite imagine the scene. He can see his ice blue/ grey eyes surveying him, his soft lips with his secret smile...

Kimi!

Sebastian is completely thrown by the thought. 

Why? Why?

I'm with Nico, so why in hell am I thinking about Kimi fucking Raikkonen! Why now, he'd gotten this far with Nico. 

Nico, thankfully brought him back to his senses. He had now taken Seb back in his mouth and was releasing Sebastian of everything he had pent up inside him. Sebastian relished the few seconds of extreme pleasure and the couple of carefree moments after he came in Nico's mouth.

Nico arranged Sebastian back into a more comfortable position on the bed and placed a comforting arm over his hips to tightly hold his stomach. 

Sebastian became aware of his surroundings and the warmth of Nico behind him after a few minutes.  
Yet this intimacy, this comfort he felt with Nico, felt hollow. The burning feeling in his stomach was back. The guilt he wanted so much to either understand or burry was rearing its ugly head again.  
Even the soft protective kisses along his shoulders from Nico and the safe strokes he was giving Sebastian's stomach couldn't rid him of the feelings he was so confused by.

The two of them lay there for a while, not talking, just being together. Sebastian after a while noted the change in Nico's breathing and knew he was asleep. He carefully peeled himself out of Nico's protection and began dressing. 

Feeling a bit awkward just leaving Nico in the middle of the night, he left him a note. He scribbled the words down quickly, terrified Nico would wake and he would have to explain his actions.  
He could just see it. "Hi Nico, I was just having sex with you to see if I could get Kimi out my head, turns out I cant!"  
Sebastian once again shook these thoughts from his head and placed the piece of paper beside the pillow Nico was lying on. He coved Nico with the cover, making sure he was comfortable and made his way out of the hotel room.

On the other side of the door, he breathed a sigh of relief. He felt suffocated in there. Now he could breathe. Walking along the corridor, he tried once again to understand his subconscious, his feelings and what the hell Kimi had to do with it all.

Sebastian pressed the elevator button and stood in front of the door. He closed his eyes, in the hope that it would give him some inspiration to the answers he so desperately needed. 

Did he have feelings for Kimi? He'd never felt this way before about him. He'd always admired him, yes, but as a driver, as a friend and a mentor. He'd never been attracted to him, he'd never touched himself over him and he'd definitely never imagined he was someone during sex. Seb kneaded his eyes with his fists. 

Ping when the elevator.

He was so confused, tired and frustrated with himself. Still kneading his eyes Sebastian walked into the opened door of the elevator, hitting something hard as he did so.

He was brought back to his senses, throwing his hands to his sides and his eyes open.  
In front of him was all of his hopes, fears, dreams and nightmares rolled into one. 

The icy blue/ grey eyes and soft lips didn't disappoint. The lips even had the smile Sebastian had always glorified.

"I've been looking for you" Said Kimi.


	4. Revelation

Sebastian stood dumbstruck in front of Kimi. He allowed himself to penetrate the eyes he adored so much, noticing the look suspicion arising in them.  
He couldn't deal with this just now, he couldn't see Kimi at this moment. He needed to get his head together but more importantly he needed to sober up. Drink had got him into enough trouble tonight already. Well that was his excuse anyway. 

Kimi stared at the still silent German, wondering what his problem was.

"You ok Sebastian, you look like shit. Are you drunk?" Kimi finished the sentence with a small laugh, he knew Sebastian wasn't really drinker, so revelled in the thought of seeing his friend wasted.

Sebastian opened his mouth to speak but nothing was possible. Instead he settled for a hearty sigh.

Luckily enough, Kimi was lost in his own problems to notice the lack of response from Seb too much. Kimi put his hand out automatically to stop the elevator door from closing on the two men who were still standing on the threshold. He then moved aside, gesturing to Sebastian to step inside.

Sebastian responded, walking into the elevator with his head bowed. Kimi reached past him to press the 4th floor button, allowing Sebastian to revel in his close proximity and his natural aroma. It made him close his eyes, willing himself to keep composure.

"Don't you answer your phone anyway? I wanted to tell you my news." Kimi stated.

Sebastian muttered to the ground something about not having his phone at hand, then the curiosity of what Kimi's news was brought him back to some sense of reality.

"News?" He asked, flickering his eyes to meet Kimi's before averting them down to the very interesting spot on the floor he had found.

Kimi gave a large sigh, shook his head slowly and pouted his lips, "I'm finished for the season."

Sebastian's head snapped up. "Finished? But I thought you had sorted everything out with Lot-"

"Lotus are not the reason" Kimi said, waving a hand in dismissal. 

The elevator door opened at the 4th floor and Kimi walked out. A now very curious and anxious Sebastian Vettel followed.

A million and one things ran through Sebastian's head as he walked along the hotel corridor with Kimi. Why leave with two races to go when Lotus were no longer an issue? Why leave this late on? Why was he leaving him?

Kimi stopped at a room and pulled out a key card from his back trouser pocket. It was only then did Sebastian register where he was. 

As they entered Kimi's hotel room, Sebastian thought about how his situation couldn't get any worse. He'd in a single day, realised he had sexual feeling for one of his closest friends, tried to burry the feelings by copping off with another friend and now he was in Kimi's room, drunk, confused and in need of answers. He had to ask the question.

Sebastian sat perched on the edge of the sofa, just like he had in Nico's room. He was wringing his hands, thinking of the right way to ask Kimi what he needed to know but not sound overly anxious.

"Kimi, I'm confused." He began, managing to find his voice and his confidence to be face to face with Kimi, who was now sitting next to him. "If you've sorted everything with Lotus, what's the problem?"

Kimi sat back and rested his neck on the back of the sofa. "It's my back, I've decided to get surgery next week on it. I've been thinking about it for a while, since my flare up and after today..." He shook his head in disbelief, "Well I don't think I can offer anymore to Lotus. I need to think of myself." His voice trailed off at the end.

Sebastian noted the sadness in his voice, it made him ache to recognise this decision was a difficult one for Kimi. He was close to Kimi, he knew him personally, all his quirks, his habits and his passions. Passion number one, was racing. No, this decision would not have been an easy one for him, no matter how much he'd been mucked around by Lotus this season.

Sebastian nodded his head in understanding, not really knowing what to say to Kimi. He knew he should be attentive, he should have some words of encouragement, of support in that he was doing the right thing. Thing was, if Kimi was done for the season, it would mean that Sebastian wouldn't see him anymore. He tried to put this thought to the back of his head. Now was not the time to be thinking of himself and his stupid, random, confusing as hell feelings. Kimi, his friend who he cared for and admired as a racer, came first.

With all the strength he could muster, Sebastian managed to raise his hand and place it on Kimi's shoulder, ignoring the sensation of the contact and the shivers it sent all over his body in anticipation. He gave it a squeeze, continuing to nod his head in understanding, emitting a small smile for Kimi.

Kimi responded with his bright smile, the one that everyone says is very rare, except to he, Sebastian Vettel, who gets to see it more than others. 

Sebastian feels like he should say something. There is a silence between the two men, but its not awkward so he decides just to sit there, still hand on Kimi's shoulder, just being there, understanding. Nothing seems to need to be said, they know each other well enough not to need words to communicate. 

Kimi soon breaks the silence.

"Right, so enough of my depressing shit, who have you been getting drunk with behind my back?" Kimi says standing up and heading to the mini bar.

Sebastian wonders for a moment. Should he lie? Or just be truthful? He doesn't need to go into detail of his endeavours with Nico, they could simply have just been having a drink. That's not lying and it's certainly not against any rules.

Kimi, suspicious of the delay in Sebastian's answer, turns around to survey the German. "Did you get lucky?" He asks laughing, growing more suspicious by the moment with the lack of communication coming from Sebastian.

"I was with Nico" Sebastian finally answered. "He invited me down to the function, I was going to make an excuse not to go but I erm, got distracted and erm, didn't have time to make the excuse so had to go and we ended up getting really drunk and..." Sebastian's voice trailed off and he met Kimi's eyes.

Kimi was looking at Sebastian wide eyed, nodding along in mock interest at all Sebastian was saying, his beautiful grin on his face.  
Sebastian clasped his hands on his knees and stared at them. He'd maybe said too much.

"Got really drunk aaaand? Do carry on Sebastian" Kimi jested, placing one hand on his hip whilst he drank the beer in his left hand.

He'd definitely said too much. Seb brought his eyes up to meet Kimi who was now looking at his friend with a mixture of taunt and interest.

"Did you fuck him?" Kimi asked mater of fact. 

"No!" Sebastian protested, looking shocked at the forwardness of his friend. He really should be used to Kimi's forwardness by now.

"Did you suck him off?" Kimi carried on, enjoying the squirming wreck that was the 4 times world champion.

"Erm..." 

Sebastian couldn't lie, he was keeping enough from Kimi. He needed to be truthful about this, before things got too much more complicated. Anyway, he reminded himself, he hadn't done anything wrong, Kimi was just a friend. Why did it hurt so much to admit it to him then?

"Any good?" Kimi continued, passing Sebastian a beer and slapping him on the back in a macho, alpha male way. He still clearly wanted to embarrass him more, Sebastian thought.

Sebastian narrowed his eyes at Kimi, signalling that the conversation about what happened at Nico's room was over.

After that, the two men began to talk about the race. Both were glad of the distraction, Kimi from his hard decision to pull out of the rest of the season and Sebastian glad to be back in his normal routine with Kimi. 

When the hotel room lights drew dim from the light coming in the window, the two drivers decided they better get some sleep before long journeys home the next day.

As Sebastian closed the door of Kimi's hotel room, he thought about the rollercoaster of emotions he'd been through the day previous. Euphoria at winning the race, confusion about his new found feelings, a slight regret at his actions with Nico and the happiness he had when spending time with Kimi.

As he stepped out of the now familiar elevator, he though about how he maybe did have feelings for Kimi, but it didn't panic him like it had before. He knew now after spending time with Kimi he could ride these feelings, he could still have his friendship with Kimi, and he didn't need to worry about losing him. Maybe these feelings were like a crush, it would go away in time. He would find a new obsession eventually.  
All these thoughts and emotions flew around the young Germans head as he got undressed and lay in bed.  
He tried to hang on to the positive things in his head, the things that would keep him going. However, no matter how hard he tried, he still felt sad at the fact that Kimi was done for the season, that he wouldn't see him as regularly as he did at race weekends, at driver's parades, briefings and the occasional lunch. The familiar uneasy feeing, the feeling that only Kimi generated lately rose in his stomach once again, and stayed with him until he drifted into an uneasy sleep.

 

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

 

In a hotel room on the forth floor, Kimi sat on the couch he and Sebastian had spend the night talking. He thought about his decision to end the season early and what it meant.  
It meant he would miss out on two races and his career with Lotus was over. But more importantly, and after hearing what his friend had gotten up to tonight with Nico, he wondered what it meant for his relationship with Sebastian. He wouldn't see him nearly as much as he wanted to.  
Placing his head on the cushion where Sebastian had been sitting, comforted by his lingering scent, Kimi closed his eyes and tried to ignore the sickening feeling in his stomach, a feeling he was more than used to associating with his young German friend.


	5. Interrigation

Sebastian awoke to the harsh hammering of his hotel room door. He lifted his head, acknowledging how much heavier if felt than usual. The barbaric noise continued and then a voice he recognised followed.

"Sebastian, open up now!" came Heikki's less than pleased voice from the other side. 

Sebastian sat up, grimacing at the throbbing from his head as he did so. With great effort he threw his feet onto the plush carpet and very unsteadily made his way to the door. After hitting almost every wall on the way, he peeped through he hole to see not only Heikki but Britta too. All of a sudden, this felt like a an interrogation.

When Sebastian opened the door, neither of his two visitors waited for an invite to enter. 

"Why are you not ready, we are meant to be leaving now!" Britta stated to him in an angry mother like manner, not looking for an answer. She began pulling out holdalls and throwing clothes into one and other possessions into another.  
Heikki however stood still, arms folded with a suspicious look surveying Sebastian. 

"Enjoy yourself last night?" He said, raising his eyebrows at the sight of the dishevelled four times world champion in front of him. 

Sebastian faced Heikki and mirrored his actions by folding his arms over his chest. He noted the disapproval in Heikki's eyes, the "I'm going to make you pay in the gym for not behaving last night and drinking far too much alcohol" look, not that it really bothered Sebastian right now, he was far too hung-over.

"We phoned you an hour ago for breakfast, we were worried when we didn't get an answer, why didn't you answer?" Britta half shouted at him, tilting her head to the side as if to interrogate him further.

"Im sorry, I had a rough night, it must have been on silent, still in my pocket..." Sebastian threw his hand in the general direction of his jeans, trying to string sentences together but his head felt so bad, so dehydrated that he was struggling.  
He sat on the end of the bed and hung his head down, cradling it with his hands because of the added weight and closed his eyes, willing the room to top spinning.

"Well... luckily we bumped into Nico and he said that use had been at it all night, so we guessed you'd be in here sleeping it off." Britta said mumbling to herself as she still carried on packing all of Sebastian's things quickly and efficiently as usual.

Sebastian slowly turned his bowed head to Britta, curious of how much Nico had disclosed, trying to ignore the stab of sickness in his stomach.

"What exactly did Nico tell you?" Sebastian had to ask. He tried to sound interested, masking the dread in his voice. He needed to know what they knew.

Britta stopped what she was doing, sighed and put her hands on her hips. "He told us that you and him had been drinking all night and when you left you were a little worse for wear. Now, Sebastian, get in that shower. NOW!" And with that, she was ushering the young German into the bathroom. Sebastian had a second to register the realisation on Heikki's face before the door snapped closed behind him.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

45 minutes later, much to the disgust of Britta, Sebastian was ready to head to the airport. 

Seb who was sat in the back of the car, rested his head on the window using his jumper as a makeshift pillow.  
The journey to the airport went by without much incident apart from Britta franticly trying to reschedule flights as they had missed the check in for the initial one, and Heikki still throwing knowing looks at Sebastian, grinning and raising one eyebrow in a "I know what you got up to with Nico Rosberg last night" way. He was practically taunting him.

On arrival at the airport, Sebastian felt a bit more refreshed. He'd had tablets to help the pain and Heikki has insisted he drank bottle after bottle of water and eat his weight in fruit.

Once they settled in the hotel 1st class lounge, they had a 4 hour wait. Sebastian got out his dead phone and charger. Once the phone switched itself back on, Sebastian scrolled through the missed calls. 4 from Heikki and 9 from Britta. He also read the texts he'd ignore the night before.  
Between the ones asking where he was from his colleagues, there was one from Nico, thanking him for at least leaving him a note last night before he left and hopes of a reunion in Austin, and one from Kimi.

Sebastian's stomach lurched at seeing the word "Kimi" in his in box, different from the horrible nasty feeling of regret and guilt he usually got, a sort of excitement and happiness, more like butterflies.  
He opened it and read the simple line over and over again. Probably over analyzing every word, bring a deeper meaning to something that was so simple.

The text simply said "Thank you".

Sebastian drifted off into Kimiland, he'd done well to get through this much of the day before actually thinking about him for periods at a time. He was happy, thinking about all the things they had spoke about the night before, the things they'd agreed on, the tings they had said at the same time and laughed about but also how they accepted each others opinions and agreed to disagree when they didn't see eye to eye. 

Sebastian then remembered when he had been quizzed by Kimi about what he has been up to with Nico. He thought about how Kimi had been so forward, not really seeming shocked about what his friend had gotten up to with another driver, just wanting the gossip.  
Sebastian frowned at this. He didn't know why his face reacted that way. He wanted Kimi to care about his actions, he wanted Kimi to know why he had did what he did with Nico. He would never tell Kimi he went with Nico just to see if he could blank out Kimi, but in a way he wanted him to know, he wanted to make him understand. He wanted Kimi to be jealous.  
Beginning to feel like he had before, a mixture of guilt, confusion and a slight hint of fear, he decided to go for a walk to the bathroom to try clear his mind.


	6. Reflection

Kimi woke to the loud sound of his phone alerting him to a text. He shot up in fright, the noise leaving a ringing sound in his left ear. 

As he sat up he gave a yawn. He hadn't really slept very well last night between it being too light outside, someone trying to batter a door down on the floor above and the curious lucid dreams he kept having about Sebastian.

As he picked his phone up on the second alert, he remembered why it has been so close to him in the first place. He'd text Sebastian as he left, thanking him for supporting him in his decisions and being someone he could talk to as usual. He had left it close at hand so he could hear it if he had replied. But he hadn't. It was a random network message.  
With a grimace he half threw his phone on the other side of the bed and lounged back on the pillows. He wasn't comfortable, he could feel the twinge in his back starting. He was due a pain killing injection but had decided to wait until he was back in Switzerland until he got it.

Slowly sitting up, he thought about his chance encounter with Seb last night. 

He'd looked about for him for a while, asking around if anyone has seen him. When Jenson had said that he had been at the function with Nico but has since left, Kimi assumed he had just called it a night and went back to his hotel room.  
After enquiring at the reception about Sebastian's room number, and after having to sign shit and have his photo taken a ridiculous amount if times as a bribe, he had headed to the elevator, Sebastian's room number acquired.

However, no one had been there. Kimi began to remember too fell the feeling of dread in his stomach, the dread that he tried to ignore because it put two and two together, Nico and Sebastian...

After another trip to the reception, he had approached Nico's room. 

Kimi remembered the feeling of his heart beating rapidly in his chest, hoping that his intuition was wrong for once, that Sebastian was simply somewhere else.  
But when he heard, heard what he had most dreaded at the other side of the door, Sebastian's voice, a voice that was emitting words of ecstasy, being returned by Nico...

He had fled, left the hotel and had taken a quiet walk, trying to ignore the feeling of wanting to vomit. He wondered for a while, aimlessly thinking of the things the two drivers had been doing to each other, envying Nico, in fact, hating him for having what he wanted. His Sebastian.  
Kimi had made his way back to the hotel after beginning to feel the cold nipping at him and was on his way back to his room when, well, his chance encounter had happened with Sebastian...

Kimi shook his head back to the present. He wouldn't let himself think anymore about it. He didn't want to be in this hotel anymore, it held too many bad memories, the race, and the revelations of last night. He was far too early for his flight but he couldn't just sit here thinking, it wasn't good for him. He thought about maybe phoning Sebastian but looking at the time on his phone he realised he would already be on his way back home.  
He finally decided that waiting for his flight and feeling sorry for himself would be better off done at the airport.

Getting up gingerly, he quickly showered. 

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Kimi Raikkonen hated packing. He was rubbish at it. He could drive a formula 1 beautifully, well apart from the last race, but he could not understand the logic of not being able to fit everything that came out a suitcase back in.

After a third attempt of repacking, he was there. 

Kimi preferred to travel alone. He was quite a reserved person, having lots of friends and admirers but only really letting a select few into his domain. Like Sebastian.  
He packed his suitcase into the boot of his hired car, noting the twinge in his back getting worse. Ignoring the pain, he got into the car and headed to the airport.

Whilst travelling, he thought of Sebastian once again.

He had clicked with him since he first met him as a rookie, liking his style of driving, the instinct he had, the determination and most of all, the hunger and passion.  
When he had returned to f1 however they had really became friends, getting to know the man not just the machine and not just in the f1 world. His admiration for Sebastian has developed into friendship and eventually Kimi discovered one night whilst having dinner with Seb, attraction.  
He'd nearly kissed him. In the end just pulling Sebastian into a man hug, but he hadn't known if it was just the drink talking and that he was horny and just wanted a fuck. However when he had woken up in the morning and still felt the same, he had known for sure.  
He had decided that he would see how things went, he didn't want to lose Sebastian over it, having him as a friend was just as important that having him in other ways. It wasn't worth the risk until he was sure the feelings would be reciprocated.

That was almost a year ago...

As he pulled into the airport, he unloaded his suitcase more gently this time and headed for the terminal. He checked in with little fuss and even though he could see a few people looking at him in recognition, they didn't approach him. Maybe the idea of wearing glasses indoors was doing it's job of quietly and politely saying "don't speak to me". 

He then made his way to the departure lounge stopping off to get some paracetamol, a bottle of water and a magazine for his long wait on the way. As he swigged his water, he opened the door to the first class lounge, being greeted by a very excitable, over attentive employee. He walked right past her, she obviously wasn't aware of his indoor glasses rule.  
He found a seat and placed his hand luggage on the one next to him.

Then he saw him. But was it really him? Was his mind playing trick on him? He'd got an earlier flight. He was probably in Switzerland by now. He'd probably just been thinking about Sebastian that much today so far that he was imagining things.  
Kimi decided to have a look at the magazine he'd bought, all the while one eye on the door. 

And sure enough, 5 minutes later, his questions were answered when Sebastian Vettel walked through the door.


	7. Conversation

Their eyes instantly locked. 

Even through Kimi's glasses, he knew Seb was aware they were looking each other. Kimi sat with his arms folded, trying to ignore the stabbing feeling in his stomach and concentrated on keeping his face as calm and collected as possible. He coyly leaned forward, thinned his lips and regained composure. He was getting good at hiding his feelings from Sebastian, especially after all this time.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" He asked in his usual quiet voice and laissez fair attitude. 

He looked at Sebastian's expression, he noted how darn sexy he looked with his mouth hanging open.  
However, the shock in Sebastian's face continued for a bit long, it confused Kimi. He would have though a meeting of two friends would have been more, well, friendly. This felt down right awkward. In fact, Sebastian looked exactly how Kimi felt.

"I kind of had a lie in this morning and, well, missed my flight." Sebastian's trailed off, beginning to gain the gift of speech once more.

As Sebastian rubbed the back of his neck and looked down at the seated Kimi, observing him through his narrowed eyes, Kimi was finding it hard to read his friend. This felt alien to Kimi, strange even, as Sebastian usually wore his heart on his sleeve with Kimi, another thing he adored him for. Something was clearly up.

Thinking that his usual direct, straight to the point attitude to things might not be the best way to get him to open up, and lets face it, it didn't work last night when he interrogated him about Nico, he instead decided to move his hand luggage and offer the young German the seat next to him.  
Sebastian accepted, but not before a small hesitation which aroused Kimi's suspicions further. 

The two drivers sat in silence. Not a comfortable one like last night when Seb had shown support to Kimi when he told him about his decision to have his operation, but an uncomfortable one, full of tension, full of emotion and full of things that needed to be said, Kimi thought.

He practically felt like kissing Sebastian when he broke the tension, turning his head quickly and eagerly, looking excited and slightly relieved to actually have found the words to say.

"Did you hear about your future team mate and his visit to hospital last night? I think Ferrari better invest in a good back specialists next year!" Sebastian said, his face spilling into his boyish smile, the air of devilment returning through a cheeky wink. It was enough to lightening the mood.

After the ice was broken, they managed to fall into there normal routine of Sebastian speaking and Kimi listening.  
Kimi was happy to listen to Seb, to watch the way his face contorted when talking about something he disliked, the beautifulness of his features when they softened when speaking about racing, but most of all he liked when Sebastian looked naked, every emotion on show, flowing out of him into the surrounding air for Kimi to catch and understand.  
Kimi only really spoke back when he profoundly disagreed with what Sebastian said, which wasn't very often, or to correct him, which was even rarer. 

The time passed quickly now they both has something to entertain themselves. The four hours flew bye, there conversations only being broken by trips to the toilet, over attentive airline staff and an annoying Finn called Heikki.

Kimi had always reserved judgment on Heikki, he didn't "get" him even though they were from the same country and, Sebastian assured him, had loads in common. He disliked the power Heikki implied he had over Sebastian, the way he was always in the background, watching and practically growling at whoever dare speak to Sebastian. If Kimi was a lesser man, or could give a shit what people thought about him, he'd be intimidated by Heikki.

But the fact was, he couldn't give a shit and was glad when Heikki finally got the hint and left, giving Kimi one last look of contempt and warning as he did so. Kimi just threw it right back at him.

The tannoy announcement told them that it was now time to board the plane. 

As Kimi boarded, he revelled in the way things had panned out, chance encounters that had brought him back to Sebastian. He loved how in the last two days it was like he had practically wished Sebastian into reality. Then he thought about how stupid and girly that sounded and cursed himself under his breath.

As he took his seat he could see Sebastian's arm hanging out from two rows down. He could hear Heikki explaining the new regime he had for him that they must start tomorrow.  
Kimi thought about how Heikki needed to give the guy a break. He was already the world champion, in his prime, he was young, his fitness was excellent, he already worked out and exercised a lot, and his physical prowess... 

Kimi got lost in that thought for a little while, willing himself to not get too carried away in the moment, some awkward questions could arise after all.

He shook himself from his day dream, noticing that the blue eyes of Sebastian were trying to make contact. Sebastian, who was still getting an ear full from Heikki, rolled his eyes and shook his head slightly, allowing a small coy smile to form on his beautiful lips.

As the two drivers looked each other in the eye, Kimi for a split second got a sense of intimacy from Sebastian. He was taken aback a little, it felt like Sebastian was trying to tell him something, a mix of confusion, happiness and sadness all in one. Not for the first time that day Kimi thought that Sebastian looked like exactly how he was feeling inside. 

However, before Kimi had any real time to figure any of it out, the airhostess was bustling up the plane, into position for the safety announcements, drawing the attention of Sebastian away, the attention he was begging to crave more and more lately.


	8. Competition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have decided to re-post this fic after deleting it earlier. One of the themes I had in the original version was Non-Con which got some negative feedback from some readers. The comments I got really upset me, made me rethink this fic and the people perceived in it. 
> 
> I really do not want to cause offence to anyone through this Fic, however, I feel I made a rash decision in deleting it all.
> 
> I have made some adjustments, mainly removing the Sebastian/Heikki pairing altogether so please bare with me as I edit chapters that may have included themes of Non-con.
> 
> EVERYTHING FROM CHAPTER 9 ONWARDS IS DIFFERENT, so please, go back and re-read.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who had commented on this before, left beautiful words of encouragement and bookmarked it. Use are the reason I couldn't bare not to finish this fic and not do justice to Simi.
> 
> <3

Sebastian stood eyeing up the green mush Heikki had prepared for him. He pouted like a child who had been told to eat his greens or he wasn't getting dessert, not forgetting the puppy dog eyes.

"Fruit and spinach. Is just. Not natural...", He pleaded to the Finn standing in front of him, his arm outstretched with the glass in his hand. It was all part of this new regime Heikki had devised for him, unfortunately it meant Seb substituting breakfast for some hideous concoction that Heikki had taken almost an hour to make. 

"You won't even taste the spinach Sebastian, it's just for added iron." Heikki spat at him, trying his best to convince the younger man that he wasn't trying to poison him.  
Sebastian hesitantly stretched out his hand, took the glass from Heikki and brought it to his nose, sniffing at it suspiciously. Sebastian was surprised actually by how appetising it smelt, well considering how aesthetically unpleasing it looked anyway. He would never admit that to Heikki though.

He could feel the pressure from Heikki, a sort of taunt in his eyes, as if he was daring Sebastian to drink it, making it a competition. Sebastian after all, didn't like to lose...

With one final look of loathing towards Heikki, Sebastian gave a muttered "Prost!" whist raising his glass in the air, and drinking the whole thing in one go.  
The thick liquid took an eternity to travel down Sebastian's throat, causing him to gag.

The German could see Heikki out the corner of his eyes smirking at him, his arms crossed in his usual closed manner, nodding his head slowly and with satisfaction.

As Sebastian finished, he noted the aftertaste, which was revolting. So much for not tasting the spinach...  
Still, it tasted better than humble pie.

 

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

 

If Sebastian thought the smoothie was bad, he'd obviously missed the memo about the added cardio and weight training that Heikki decided to add to his previous work out.

Sebastian knew what this was about. He was being made to suffer. He had been reckless in Abu Dhabi, drinking far too much and Heikki felt he needed taught a lesson. Heikki probably didn't agree with the whole Nico Rosberg incident also, Sebastian was pretty sure he'd figured that one out.

Sebastian agreed partly with Heikki's disgust. He was used to being disciplined, clinical almost in his routines, the way he conducted himself and the general health and wellbeing he kept. He knew a bit of rough from Heikki would soon cut him back into shape.

However, the torture carried on, and on, and on.

 

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

 

After an exhausting bike ride and treadmill session, Heikki was now going to subject Sebastian to a weights session.

It was becoming a battle of wills between the two men, even more than usual. Sebastian was furious, hating the power Heikki exuded over him in these situations but being too proud to not take the challenge up, that would mean Heikki would have gotten the better of him.

Sebastian had suggested to Heikki that he would be better in the weights session if he had rested his muscles for a while and had refuelled. To Seb's surprise, he'd agreed.

Relishing the rest and the break from the torture and not to mention the overbearing smirk on Heikki's face, Sebastian checked his phone. He opened his messages, knowing he had none, but checking, just in case. 

in case he'd missed one off Kimi...

He'd got home late last night, the six hour flight going just as fast as the four hour wait he'd had with Kimi.  
It wasn't until about an hour into the flight that Sebastian had eventually picked up the courage to go and sit next to him. The initial awkwardness that had hit him at the airport when seeing Kimi of all people sitting in the departure lounge had definitely disappeared by then. They had spoken more about the race, Sebastian practically giving Kimi a corner-by-corner re-enactment. 

Kimi seemed to be happy to listen to him as usual. Sebastian knew himself he was a chatty person, he listed it as one of his great qualities. He felt comfortable talking to Kimi as he never felt like he was boring him or speaking out of turn. Kimi was happy to listen. They complemented each other like that.

Sebastian had enjoyed his time with Kimi, he was begging to embrace his feelings towards him now, rather than be terrified by them. He couldn't control how he felt, heck, he didn't think he wanted too either. He still didn't feel confident enough to peruse them obviously, but admitting to himself that he was well and truly hooked on Kimi, well it was a start.

As he had sat with Kimi, tiredness over coming both of them, he realised in a sleepy daze that he'd probably felt like this about him for a while, just the feelings were either misconstrued as something else or they just needed to be discovered, understood.  
Yes, he was definitely beginning to understand.

Sebastian smiled fondly at the memory of Kimi sleeping with his head resting on his shoulder on the plane, the Finns chest rising and falling rhythmically, the small, beautiful noises he made in his sleep and the tiny movements from his body. He remembered fondly the heat and comfort that radiated from the Finn, the completion that he felt, like he'd hadn't really been sleeping right all his life. But at that moment Seb had found sleep, he'd found the solution...

His glorious moment of reminiscent bliss was soon destroyed by Heikki bursting through the door. 

"Times up. Gym. NOW!" he said, throwing his thumb over his shoulder, for if Sebastian was in any doubt where the gym was in his own home.


	9. Opperation

It was bliss. They were alone, just the two of them. There bodies rising and falling together, Sebastian's breath lightly brushing Kimi's nose as he inhaled his intoxicating scent.

This was heaven...

"If that constant beeping noise would stop."  
Kimi brought his hand up to lightly place it on Sebastian's cheek. He softly caressed down to the area between his chin and neck, relishing the smooth clean shaven feeling rather than the usual two day stubble that Seb liked too sport.

"Then again, the beeping..."

Kimi brought himself closer to Seb's face, now practically nose to nose. As he placed his lips to the young Germans, his eyes opened, full of blissful doziness and contentment. They both understood, this was what they had been missing all there life.

"And then, the beeping again. And again. And again."

All of a sudden, Kimi felt like he was falling, he was losing grip of Sebastian. He was slipping out his fingers, gone into the abyss of the bright light ahead.

 

Kimi opened his eyes, blinking into the brightness that had just so cruelly taken his Sebastian.  
Then he understood. It had all been a dream. He had imagined it all whilst under is anaesthetic. But it felt so real, so intimate.

Kimi tried to sit up, but the nurse who was speaking to Kimi in sentences he wasn't yet ready to put together and understand, slowly but firmly pushed him back down by his shoulder.

He heard the beeping of the monitors, an outside reminder of the dream he was so sweetly having within. He raised his arm to remove the oxygen mask that felt like it was suffocating him, feeling the snag of the tubes in his wrist as he did.  
He felt constrained, frustrated that he couldn't do things, that he needed permission to sit up, to raise his arm for goodness sake.  
If he isn't ready to do these things then why did they bother waking him from his glorious dream anyway?

Kimi could still see the nurse in front of him. She was talking to him, trying to make him understand. Kimi wasn't in the mood to try, he was dozy, frustrated and extremely pissed off at his rude awakening.  
After a time, the nurse gave up and instead made herself busy doing something else, keeping one eye on him Kimi noted.

Then the noise of the machine drew quieter, the beeping fading into the background once again. Kimi hoped with all his mite that he could continue his dream, pick up where he left off.  
This never happened and Kimi instead fell into a deep slumber in which nothing penetrated his mind or dreams. Not even Sebastian Vettel.

 

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Kimi had been in hospital for a couple of days. He had had far too may visitors, (seriously, like having an operation was going to make him enjoy social interaction more than he already did not) and loads of messages from well wishers. 

Apart from one...

Kimi hadn't heard from Sebastian since Thursday morning, just before the operation. Sebastian had text him, simply saying "good luck".  
That was it. No humour that Sebastian would usually add, no personal message to his friend. It was all very generic.  
Kimi had replied and everything, you were very privileged if you got a reply off Kimi...

The fact was that Kimi had barely heard from the German since there flight home together from Abu Dhabi. Had he said something to offend him? He had fallen asleep on his shoulder, had he said something to him in a sleepy daze?  
Kimi's brain usually had a way of simplifying things, looking at them rationally and logically. Not when it came to Sebastian it seems.  
He had over analysed his relationship with Sebastian to the point where he had made himself angry with him for things he hadn't even done. He felt abandoned that Sebastian hadn't suggested they met up when they were both in Switzerland, that he hadn't at least phoned him.  
Snapping out of these thoughts was hard for Kimi but he had to keep reminding himself that Sebastian didn't belong to him, however much he wished he did.

He was confused, however, by the lack of support Sebastian was now giving him, especially after being so supportive before. He was somewhat hurt.

Kimi had been recovering well, although still frustrated by his constraints. He was an independent, solitary creature, he liked to do things by himself usually. So being stuck in a hospital with people poking and prodding you all the time was driving him crazy. The only consolation was that the qualifying for the USA GP would be happening soon and he was ensured that all blood checks, meals and visitors would be dealt with before then so he got some peace to watch it. He was looking forward to not only the distraction but also the slight return to his sense of normality. 

True to every ones word, Kimi was settled ready to watch qualifying after having all the essential checks done.  
He watched the programme in German, being able to understand some of it, but mainly just watching his fellow drivers in envy. He really wanted to be there, he wanted to be in his car, ready for the challenge of the Austin circuit. 

And then Sebastian was on the screen and Kimi was over come. The journalist was doing his interview in German but Kimi didn't pay much attention to trying to understand what he was saying. 

He was watching Sebastian's body language, watching how his face moved and contorted, the way he got excited when talking about certain things. Kimi didn't know how much he'd missed Sebastian until that moment.  
However, that moment he felt so far away, so distant. Especially since he hadn't heard from him since Thursday.  
His body was also reacting to Sebastian, he longed for him, and he craved him. His spine gave a jolt of electricity when Seb flashed his grin or rubbed the back of his neck. He could feel his body tingle with anticipation at just looking at Sebastian's body through his tight undershirt, his race suit tied around his hips.

Watching Sebastian brought back the memory of the plane home from Abu Dhabi, the mixture of emotions Kimi had gotten through the split second look he had received off him. Did this have something to do with his friend's sudden lack of detachment?  
He had thought about the moment a lot, but was still no closer to figuring any of it out...

Seeing past the visage that Sebatian was so good at putting on for the media, a dull ache in his stomach told him something, just, something, wasn't right. Like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. This was very uncharacteristic of Sebastian, he was usually very good at handling stress and pressure.  
Kimi just wanted so much to be there. He felt unsettled by what he had seen in Sebastian, he just wanted to hold him and tell him everything was going to be fine. But why?

He pondered this as the interview was finishing and qualifying was starting. Q1 and Q2 went by without much drama, apart from Rosberg going out in Q2, which gave Kimi a huge feeling of satisfaction. 

Going into Q3, Mark had taken the advantage by getting in an impressive lap time in early on. As the chequered flag fell, Mark still had this advantage and Sebastian was down on his first two sectors times. What was going on with his Seb? Where was the fight of the champion. Four times world champion.  
Kimi was on tenterhooks, desperate to will Sebastian faster, to mentally push him over the line...

And it worked. Kimi beamed with happiness at seeing Sebastian celebrate from behind the steering wheel, knowing he'd done enough to secure pole position.  
He felt the excitement from Sebastian, understanding the feeling, knowing it from when it had been him in the past. He felt happy and content for his friend, he felt proud of HIS Sebastian.

Kimi tipped his head back in amusement and disbelief, shaking it ever so slightly. HIS Sebastian? He needed to stop thinking so possessively, as if he owned him. Seb was an adult, he could look after himself and Kimi was only perceived as a friend. He needed to slow down, take things one step at a time.  
He hadn't even spoken to him for a couple of days or even seen him in person for over a week.

Then he made a choice...

The rational part of Kimi's mind seemed to kick-start again. If Sebastian hadn't made contact, then why didn't he?  
Kimi unlocked his phone and opened his message conversation with Sebastian, then staring blankly at it. 

Why was this so hard to do? Should he just congratulate him on the pole position, try to make conversation? Invite him to visit him when he's back in Europe? Kimi had never had problems being direct and to the point before...

Deciding, once again, that he was over analyzing far too much, Kimi simply wrote "congratulations on your poles Sebastian".  
He hesitated for a moment, before throwing caution to the wind, going against all his instinct, and adding an "x" to the end.

He wondered as he hesitantly pressed send, if Sebastian would ever understand the significance that single "x" had.


	10. Qualification

Sebastian walked into his hotel room in Austin, throwing his bag and jumper down on the chair before making his way to the bed and flopping down on it. He groaned as his tense, tight muscles began to relax on the soft mattress below him.

What a day. Qualifying had turned out ok but he was still frustrated at his lack of pace over all. He knew he had more in him, he knew he was not giving 100%, there was too much on his mind right now to get into the right mind set.  
Knowing what was coming, Sebastian quickly got up off the bed and made himself busy readying himself for bed and the day ahead of him tomorrow. He didn't want to start thinking about things.

Seb had hardly stopped thinking about Kimi since the beginning of the week, worrying about what his friend had in store with relation not only to his operation, but also to the recovery.  
After the journey home, he had began to think differently about his relationship with Kimi. He still felt attracted to him, yes, but not now in the animalistic way he used to.  
Sebastian felt that he would be just as happy simply being with Kimi, as they were on the plane journey home, never mind sex and other complications. He had wondered how long that would last...  
It hadn't lasted long, a couple of days, before the vivid thoughts and images of what he longed Kimi to do to him, what he longed to do to Kimi, returned.  
However, he tried not to think of these things at all and instead tried to focus fully on ending the season on a high in the final two races.

Kimi had had his operation two days ago now. Sebastian had text Kimi the morning before he had went into theatre, wishing him well after having a very unsettled night of not sleeping due to worrying about the Finn.  
He had struggled with what to write, what to say, how to convey to his friend how much he cared and how scared he was that he was going under this anaesthetic. Also, he couldn't quiet find the words to say, "oh by the way, I want you so bad..."  
No, he had no idea how to convey any of it in the text, so stuck to the bare minimum of niceties and hoped Kimi wouldn't ask too many questions.  
He had since regretted the lack of personal content he had given the text, he could have at least phoned, conversing with each other was so natural. Kimi's voice seemed to relax him, draw out conversation so easily. However, instead he had been too wrapped up in his own feelings to really be there for his friend.  
Kimi was very good at putting on a brave face, but Sebastian was also very good at seeing right through it.

Sebastian undressed, taking his phone out of his pocket before folding his clothes and placing them on the chair. He thought about Kimi in Austria, probably going stir crazy in a hospital with loads of people fussing over him and the fact he had to look at the same four walls day in, day out. Yes, it would be torture for him.  
He found himself staring absentmindedly out the window at the city spread out before him, not really taking it in.  
He could see Kimi so clearly, he could see his features. He could see his vivid blue eyes, naked, not masked by his elaborate sunglasses, and he smiled at the memory of the smile that Kimi was so good at saving just for him.  
He wished so much at that moment that he was with Kimi, as they had on the plane home, so comfortable, so content, so safe.  
Yes, the intimacy between him and Kimi, the small touches and such that he had taken for granted sometimes was important but so was the thought of the other things.  
Sebastian knew the longing he felt for Kimi didn't just stop at friendship, he had began to accept that. He was a lot more open to himself about the fact and had thought of Kimi whilst he touched himself, not afraid to allow the thought of Kimi overwhelm him in such a vulnerable moment. And it excited him. He loved the thought of Kimi taking control, of dominating him, commanding him in a way. He revelled in the thought of Kimi touching him, stroking his cock to near completion before stopping, teasing him with passionate kisses and words. He especially enjoyed the thought of Kimi inside him, the waves of pleasure rippling through him, Kimi dictating the pace gently at first then allowing Sebastian his sweet release.

Settling into bed before he could get anymore caught up in his imagination or got himself anymore turned on, Sebastian sat himself up against his pillows, allowing them to support his head that felt too heavy for his shoulders.  
He, however, wasn't ready to sleep.  
He'd been trying to get the bare minimum sleep because when he did sleep, he dreamt, and when he dreamt, he dreamt of vivid situations that usually pointed to Kimi in some weird, morbid way. He was glad the operation was over and done with, it was playing on his mind far too much.

Swiping his phone and opening his messages, Sebastian noticed Kimi's name on the text, which made his heart skip a beat. The text was simple, pure, and very Kimi.  
Smiling at the simple words "congratulations on your pole Sebastian x", his eyes lingering on the "x" at the end.

He had an overwhelming sense of guilt. He felt guilty for not being there for Kimi, for not making time.  
Yes, he had his own problems with what to exactly say to him, but it didn't mean he had the right to forget his friend, the man after all that he so desperately craved and cared about.  
Allowing the warmth of the communication between him and Kimi fill him, he once again pondered how to reply.

Eventually after what felt like a million attempts at writing something, Sebastian concluded he'd just phone.


	11. Communication

Having made his decision, Sebastian wasted no more time in phoning Kimi. He needed to hear his voice, he needed to explain to him. He knew he wasn't ready to be totally truthful about his feelings, but he wanted to let Kimi know he was there for him if he ever needed anything, even if he hadn't shown it lately.  
He wanted to test the waters in a way, and maybe, just maybe, take the first step to actually telling Kimi how he truly felt.

The phone rang five rings before going to answering machine. Sebastian listened to the automated message, not surprised in the slightest that Kimi hadn't recorded his own one, and wondered whether to hang up now or leave a message.

He hung up.

Sebastian locked his phone and laid it on his chest, giving a discontented sigh as he did. The momentum that he had built up to actually phone seemed like a bit of a waste now, he also felt silly for not leaving a message.  
The things that he wanted to say, that he had psyched himself up for, were all buzzing about his head causing Sebastian to feel frustrated and restless. He hated the feeling, he was usually very good at keeping a straight head but right now, he was all over the place.

Just then, his phone began to ring. Sebastian picked it up quickly and registered it was Kimi as he answered.

"Hi" Said Sebastian, all of a sudden nervous and unable to think of any of the conversation starters he had planned earlier.

"Hi Sebastian, sorry I missed you"

Sebastian registered the sleepiness in Kimi's voice. It was sexy. He already loved Kimi's soft husk of a voice, the way it trailed away at the end of sentences. However, the tone of added tiredness, well, it left Sebastian struggling to contain himself.

The two men were silent for a few seconds before Kimi said, "So, is there a reason you needed to phone me, apart from to breath heavily down the phone line?"

Sebastian became very aware of his breathing, was he really breathing heavily? 

"Erm, yeah, sorry, did I wake you or something, you sound half a sleep." he really meant, "you sound irresistible..."

"Not much to do in hospitals, sleeping is the only thing that doesn't end up frustrating me" Kimi stated, stifling a yawn as he did so.  
"Did you get my text, that was some qualifying today, you were lucky as usual, Sebastian." 

Sebastian just loved the way his name rolled over Kimi's tongue, the way he pronounced his name, the feeling he seemed to put into it made him melt.  
"Yeah thanks, I definitely needed to work for that one today, makes it even more sweeter I suppose."

After discussing more of qualifying, the conversation turned to Kimi and his recovery. He spoke candidly about his operation and recuperation, more like he had just got a haircut or something, not major surgery.

"So how much longer do you need to stay in?" Sebastian asked.

"Reckon I will get the peace and quiet of my own home to watch the final race of the season" Kimi answered.  
Sebastian noted the air of excitement in Kimi's voice. He loved that he could notice these sorts of things in his friend without even having to look him in the eyes or see his expression. He really did know him inside out.

"Will you come and visit me after Sao Paulo?" Kimi suddenly said, catching Sebastian off guard.

Sebastian could barely contain his excitement. He wanted to jump around and shout "yes" down the phone to Kimi, tell him that if he had the choice, he'd visit him now, but instead he decided to collect himself and play it cool.

"Yeah of course, would be good to have a catch up". 

And then he said it. 

"I've missed you Kimi."

Sebastian instantly closed his eyes and grimaced as the words left his mouth. He missed Kimi, for sure, but he didn't actually mean to tell him that out loud. He nervously waited for Kimi to reply, a wait that seemed to go on for an eternity.

"I've missed you too, Sebastian." Kimi finally replied, his words having a raw emotion to the way they were spoken. 

Sebastian was ecstatic that not only were his words received in a welcoming way but that the sentiments were also shared, that Kimi had also missed him.

This encouraged Sebastian, he felt that he could now reveal more, now he had been welcomed by Kimi.  
"Kimi, I don't really know, I guess I just want to tell you that I am sorry."

Kimi's side of the line was silent. It was another agonising few seconds before the Finn replied.

"What the fuck are you apologising for, Sebastian?" He said in barely a whisper.

"Well, I know you have been cooped up in that hospital for over a week, and, well, I don't think I've really, well, I've not really been very supportive I suppose.."  
Sebastian trailed off, saying all that he felt he needed to say right now, he wanted to see what Kimi's reaction was before carrying on.

"Sebastian, you've been busy, I understand. I am one of your closest friends, I know how hard you work, and I know what commitments you have. I also know that you would have been thinking about me in here, and I know that you would be wishing me well. I didn't ask for help or support but I know that if I had, you would have given me it. Knowing that means more that anything else in the world, Sebastian."

Sebastian could hardly believe what Kimi was saying. He had been so sure about how well he knew Kimi, his quirks, his likes, dislikes, his thoughts, but he never in a million years thought that Kimi also knew all those things about him. The way in which Kim had said those words, the hesitation he had given and the pure, raw emotion that seemed to come with them, it made Sebastian wonder, maybe just, that Kimi was also not always 100% forthcoming with his feelings.

"Well. As long as you know that, Kimi." Sebastian replied, trying very hard now not to just unleash every emotion that was swirling around his head, every sentence that just described what he felt for the Finn at that moment. The right time would come to say all these things, now wasn't it. 

All in good time.

The phone line went silent on both sides again, but not an awkward one. it was the silence the same as on the plane, the one that had filled them, comforted them and allowed them to just exist together and not to need anyone or anything else at that moment. All they needed to know was that each other were there.

Eventually. Kim gave a yawn. Sebastian remembered that he had woken Kimi up and began to feel bad about it.

"Kimi, I think I better let you get back to sleep, it must be getting late there?"

Kimi stifled another yawn and replied to Sebastian, his sexy sleepy voice back to excite him again.  
"I hope you have a great end to the season tomorrow, Sebastian. I will be watching. Supporting you since I no longer or yet have any alliances in F1. I can be a fan for once."  
Kimi genuinely sounded excited through his tiredness at the thought of being a fan rather than having an affiliation to a team. Sebastian was overcome at the thought of Kim supporting him.

"I'll do some doughnuts for you" Sebastian joked before adding, "good night Kimi, sleep well"

Kimi, seriously struggling to talk due to doziness, managed a "good night, Sebastian" before hanging up the phone.

Sebastian held the phone to his ear for a few seconds after Kimi hung up, wishing the Finn to only be joking and to actually still be on the line, wanting to talk all night.  
Admitting to himself that that was never going to happen, Sebastian flumped back on the cushions behind him and ran his hands through his hair and rubbed his eyes. 

He could just about take in what he had heard Kimi say to him tonight, the emotion he had gotten off him. He selfishly felt good about Kimi having no hard feelings about his lack of contact over the last week, it seemed to help the overwhelming sense of guilt that he had carried about in his gut for a few days now.

But what he really couldn't believe was how much Kimi knew about HIM. He always assumed that his and Kimi's relationship was more of a deal to him than Kimi, that he needed Kimi more that Kimi needed him. But by what Kimi was saying tonight, the way he was saying it, it seemed that Kimi held onto the thought of Sebastian being there for him if he'd asked, thinking of him, and it comforted him. 

As Sebastian turned out the light and lay in bed thinking, analyzing all the information he'd picked up during his conversation with Kimi, he could see things a lot clearer than he had since before his feelings for Kimi had came to light during the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix. He could feel sleep begin to over power him, a comfort filing him that reassured that he would have peaceful rest rather than the horrible dreams he'd had recently about Kimi. Maybe he should have phoned sooner.

As he fell asleep, he dared to begin to believe. Believe that his feelings for Kimi might not be as once sided as he always so desperately thought.


	12. Invitation

Kimi paced the floor of his living room. Why was time moving so slowly? It had been since the plans were made for Sebastian to visit. At least it was today he was coming, but still, he should have arrived by now...  
As Kimi walked about aimlessly, straightening photos and plumping up cushions, a million and one things raced through his mind. All Sebastian related.

It had been nearly two agonising weeks since he had invited Sebastian to visit, and four days since he had made definite plans to actually come. The German had arrived back in Switzerland only yesterday, and Kimi was surprised when he had told him he had some spare time to visit only a day after getting home.  
Surprised, but extremely happy. And nervous.

Kimi had invited Sebastian for lunch, why he didn't know, as he couldn't really cook anything very well. It had been spur of the moment, just as the initial invite had been. Kimi had thought a lot about the conversation he and Sebastian had had the night before the US grand prix, still in a happy, content daze at the words Sebastian had said. 

"I've missed you Kimi..."

Well, not so much the words he had said, more the emotion and feeling that Sebastian had so beautifully and honestly said them with.  
Sebastian had also apologised for not being very supportive of Kimi through his operation and recovery. This meant the world to Kimi, this honest admission of guilt. He could have made Sebastian feel really bad about it, milked it for all it was worth, but decided to brush it under the carpet and assure his friend that it was all ok and there wasn't even an issue.  
He had heard the genuine regret in Sebastian's voice and he didn't like it, he didn't like the thought of him feeling bad because of him. It was all very confusing, but at the same time made perfect sense to him.

Kimi found himself staring out the window, looking at the stillness and wonder that is Lake Zurich. It was cold outside but the late Autumn sunshine was making the light dance over the silky smooth surface of the water. The air was crisp and the sky clear, not one single cloud filled it. In fact, if it wasn't for the snow-capped mountains on the horizon, it would be have been hard to tell where the blue of water ended and the sky began.

Kimi loved living here. It was quiet, peaceful and he didn't really need to spend time with anyone unless he invited them to his house. If he wanted a good time, nightlife and parties, then Oslo or Monte Carlo were only a flight away. This place was perfect to a introvert like himself.

He was soon woken from his daydream by the sound of the buzzer from the gates surrounding his house alerting him to a visitor.

"Sebastian"

As Kimi approached the security screen, his stomach made a flip. There he was, rocking on the balls of his feet and blowing air into his hands to warm himself up. His Sebastian.  
He looked gorgeous, almost adorable with his jacket zipped up to his chin and his beanie hat pulled down to his eyebrows. Kimi could have looked at him all day. He adored him, his facial expressions, and the way he hummed absentmindedly, bobbing on the spot, as if it was going to heat him up some in way. He longed for him, he wanted to rub his hands up and down his sides to warm him up. Or, he supposed, he could think of better ways to get a heat into him...  
Instead, he decided, he'd better just let him in the gate.

As soon as Kimi had buzzed the gates open, he made his way to the front door. He was still in some mild pain from the operation, and was a little stiff. This meant he couldn't move as much or as fast as he wanted yet, but he seemed to find the extra effort some how.  
Opening the door, he was stood face to face with Sebastian, one hand in the air, ready to knock the door that was no longer there.

And then they stared, both frozen to the spot, both speaking a million words to each other without making a sound.

Kimi was the first to regain reality.

"You're late." He said, the corners of his mouth twitching into a smile. 

Sebastian returned the smile and shook his head laughing lightly to himself, rubbing the back of his neck as he bowed his head and looked up at Kimi, in an almost embarrassed way, he noted.

As Kimi stood back to allow Sebastian to cross the threshold, he could smell Sebastian, not his cologne or such, but him, his natural aroma which seemed to give the Finn concrete proof that his Sebastian was really there.  
When the young German was half way through the door, he turned to Kimi and without any hesitation or warning, threw his arms around his neck. 

Kimi was a little taken aback. He was in shock. Shock that what he wanted, the warmth and contact from Sebastian, was actually happening. He could feel Sebastian breathing into his neck, the warmness comforting him. He eventually returned the intimacy and wrapped his arms under Sebastian's, crossing them over his back. He closed his eyes, hoping that it would allow him to stay in the glory of the moment for a little longer.  
But, alas, Sebastian was breaking away, holding Kimi at arms length to survey him, his bright, gorgeous smile almost causing Kimi to melt on the spot.

"Sorry I'm late." Sebastian said, making his way into the house, leaving a still dumbfounded Kimi Raikkonen at the front door. "But you would live in the back of beyond, I've only been here a couple of times and, well, I forgot exactly where you lived. Guess I'm here now!" 

There is a smile again, and an adorable shoulder shrug to go with it, Kim thought to himself, still trying to not seem strange around his friend.  
Sebastian followed Kimi into the living room and removed his jacket and hat, laying them over the back of one of the seats.

Kimi took this opportunity to look at Sebastian, really look at him.  
He loved the way his hair was all tousled because of his hat, a bit like what it would be if Kimi could get his hands on it, and his nose and cheeks, which were rosy with the cold. He looked at what he was wearing, his dark wash jeans that just fitted him so well and his grey long sleeved top that fitted him even better. Kimi could even imagine his tatty old trainers lying on his bedroom floor. 

And then Sebastian was speaking again.

Kimi was a little embarrassed at the fact that he hadn't even registered what Sebastian had said, and by the way in which the German was smirking at him, he'd been caught looking too.  
But Kimi noticed that Sebastian didn't seem uncomfortable at being admired by him, in fact he seemed to relish it. It was as if he was enjoying the attention off Kimi, he could see it in his body language, his eyes that were wide with excitement and the way he licked his lips as if he was ready to feast.

"Are you ok Kimi? You seemed to have gotten all distracted there!" Sebastian remarked, crossing his arms and raising one eyebrow at Kimi, who could feel himself redden.  
He was embarrassed, yes but also excited and kind of turned on at the thought of Sebastian knowing that he was looking at him and enjoying it too.  
He loved the look of mischief in his eyes, the one he usually had when mucking around at driver press conferences or having a carry on with his mechanics in the garage. It was infectious. And not to mention, so darn sexy and exciting.

Kimi's rational, logical mind kicked into action. He had two options; "one, plead ignorance and say that the medication you are on is spacing you out," or "two, play Sebastian at his own game." Easy choice really, Kimi thought.

He decided he was going to have fun with Sebastian, he would break Sebastian before he broke him. This was turning into a game. 

And Kimi didn't like to lose.

The Finn simply gave Sebastian one of his finest smoulders, the one he usually reserves for the pretty girls he sees in bars, and slowly turned on his heels towards the kitchen.

Sebastian, of course, followed.

As the afternoon continued, the two men sat at the kitchen table, drifting between heated conversation, Kimi being more opinionated than usual mainly to wind Sebastian up a bit, and comfortable silence. Through the silence however, they threw each other knowing glances, as they were daring the other to make a move, be the first to break, the first to admit what they both now knew was between them.  
Kimi loved the way Sebastian was so easy to read, to understand at this crucial moment of there friendship. Kimi needed to be sure before he crossed the line with Sebastian. And he was.

After eating, they moved from the kitchen to the comfort of the living room.  
They sat side-by-side, hands and bodies not quite touching, contently looking at the view out of the window. Kimi noted how the view he'd admired of Lake Zurich earlier on in the day faded into insignificance compared to the spectacle that was Sebastian.  
They sat in virtual silence until the sun dipped behind the mountains in the distance, the clouds that had now covered the sky burning red with the final after glow of the sun. 

Even though the two men sat in silence, they still managed to compete with each other. One would move a subtle finger over the others hand, the recipient returning the favour. One would shift there knee closer to the other, and the other would close the gap completely, making electrifying contact.

Before long, Kimi and Sebastian were holding hands and practically sitting on each other. Kimi felt confident enough to place his free hand on Sebastian's leg. He gently brushed his thigh, realising that his intentions were through comfort and affection rather than sexual desire.  
At this moment, he just wanted to be close to Sebastian, he didn't want to rush anything, everything was perfect as it was. For now anyway.

Sebastian used his free hand to lightly guide Kimi's face to face him. Kimi was very aware of how close they were to each other, the way he could see Sebastian's pupils dilating, the way he could feel the soft breeze of Sebastian's breath on his face and hear the rhythm of his slightly quickened breathing. 

Once again, Sebastian seemed to reflect exactly how Kimi felt. It was as if they were the two sides of the same coin, so completely different but at the same time, so completely the same.

Sebastian was now closing the gap, his face now millimetres from Kimi's. Kimi felt like he had been waiting for this moment for an eternity, willing Sebastian to just kiss him, but at the same time, loving the suspense and torture.

Sebastian stopped. 

His eyes still fixed on Kimi's he said, "Do you want this, Kimi?" His now wicked, cruel, teasing smile plastered on his face. Kimi loved it.

He didn't know what to say, he was speechless at the fact that Sebastian had waited to this moment to ask such a question. 

So instead of speaking, Kimi let his actions talk for him.

Kimi closed the gap completely between himself and Sebastian and finally there lips met. The gentleness of the kiss took Kimi by surprise, he thought after such a build up, such tension, that he would have been desperate, rough, needy. But no, he managed to contain himself and keep the intimacy there rather than lust.

Sebastian now had his hands either side of Kimi's face, stroking his cheeks and tracing down his chin and neck in such glorious trails, all the while, showering Kimi's lips and surrounding area with feather like kisses. 

This was bliss.

Kimi had never known such a beautiful and tender moment such as this. He was in awe of what he was capable of with this man, his Sebastian.

Kimi now brought his hands up into Sebastian's hair like he had so desperately imagined earlier, stroking the silky blond locks and being careful not to be too gentle with him. Feeling Sebastian moan into his mouth as he gave a firmer tug on a hand full of hair, Kimi deciding to up the pace ever so slightly. He darted his tongue out, instantly gaining access to Sebastian's mouth. 

And so it continued into the night, tender touches, long gazes into knowing eyes and small whispers of reassurance. Not that either of them needed each others assurance, they both knew, felt, that what they were doing was so right, so natural and easy. Why had they never gotten around to it before.  
They finally fell into their usual routine of falling asleep together, sleeping soundly, both comforted by the warmth and intimacy gained from the other. 

The room grew darker and colder around them. Not that they noticed. Or would have cared if they had.


	13. Admission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is short... but sweet ;) <3

Sebastian woke with the sun streaming in through the window into his eyes. He opened one of them to allow the brightness in, closing it again after gauging that it was far too early to get up.

Then he remembered. Kimi.

The German became very aware of a weight resting on his hip, a comfortable but dead weight of a hand, one that reassured him that Kimi was behind him.

As some point during the night, they had awoken on the couch with sore necks and numb hands and had then sleepily made there way to the warmth of Kimi's bedroom. Nothing had happened; they had simply fell back asleep. not needing or wanting anything else off each other than reassurance and complete togetherness.

Sebastian smiled to himself whilst reflecting on what had went the night before. He could hardly believe he was in this situation, that he had been brave enough to make the first move, taken the first step between him and Kimi. 

It had definitely paid off.

The response he had gotten from Kimi, the emotion, was breathtaking. He had suspected that Kimi had feelings for him but after last night; the touches, the soft lingering beautiful kisses and the contentment to be in the moment and not rush things forward, well, it looked as if Kimi had fallen for him bad, if not worse than what he had fallen for him. 

Desperately wanting to look at the Finn behind him, Sebastian gently began to slowly turn onto his back. The warmth of Kimi's hand followed the movement, landing just above Sebastian's groin. Sebastian's breath caught and he grinned wickedly to himself, savouring the moment and anticipation before completing his turn and settling on his side, now face to face with Kimi.

He surveyed kimi, drinking in everything about him. he loved just staring, it seeming acceptable after the intimacy of the night before. 

Kimi's hair was a mess.  
"Probably my fault" Sebastian thought to himself in a proud way, remembering the glorious way in which Kimi had ran his hands through his hair, especially loving it when he had pulled it.  
What struck Sebastian next were the lines on Kimi's forehead. They were smooth because he was sleeping. He was used to seeing a much more serious and guarded look on Kimi's face, one that usually accentuated the lines. However, this expression was gentle, peaceful and relaxed. It changed Kimi's face completely from the typical iceman persona. Being this intimate with Kimi was allowing him to see this side, he felt very privileged.

Then came Sebastian's favourite part of the man lying in front of him, his mouth. He worshiped this mouth, not only the physical things that it had done to him last night through its lips, but the wisdom it spoke, the honesty and sincerity it portrayed. But what he loved most was the smile that spoke a thousand words and warmed Sebastian to the very core when it was given to him. 

Sebastian brought his hand up to Kimi's face and began to trace the outline of his lips with his thumb, allowing the rest of his hand to cradle his jaw gently. He wanted to savour this moment of purity before Kimi awoke and they had to face reality. It seemed so far away from the dreamlike state Sebastian was in at this moment.

Sebastian cursed himself for thinking it, but reality could bring many things. Maybe Kimi could feel different about him when he awoke, they would have to live their separate busy lives again and moments like last night and just now would be few and far between. Or, everything could be perfect, just like now, they would find a way around it all and would live happily ever after...

Sebastian stopped tracing Kimi's lips at this last thought. Was he really planning in his head a lifetime with Kimi? Really? After only a few hours of them knowing that they had mutual feelings? Sebastian didn't like how presumptuous he was being, it unsettled him, and it was out of character.

Then a phrase to describe the situation fell beautifully into his mind.

"Love does funny things to you..." 

Then a different sense of reality hit. He loved him. He loved Kimi Raikkonen. 

Every sense of guilt he had in his stomach over his night with Nico. Love.

Every feeling of loneliness and desperate longing he felt when not with Kimi. The feeling that he was missing something important when Kimi wasn't near. Love. 

The feelings and emotion he had found the courage to convey last night, the intimacy and perfection of it all. Love.

And the way in which they could just be together, fit each other like a glove, just look at each other to know what the other was thinking. The way Sebastian felt safe and secure enough to be himself with Kimi. Love. 

Sebastian felt a sense of enormous relief fill him, replacing all the doubt he had held in his heart since he fisrt discovered his feelings for Kimi. It all made sense. All the pieces fell together into one beautiful picture.

He smiled through the tears that were now stinging his eyes, allowing his finger to continue tracing the lips of the man he so desperately longed for, so desperately loved. LOVED.

Sighing to himself contently, Sebastian pushed himself forward and placed a kiss on Kimi's lips. It felt as though he was finally admitting all this to Kimi; he wanted to share this moment with him even though he was sleeping. He was sealing the deal in a way, promising to always love him. Sealed with a kiss.

Sebastian settled back into the bed just in time to See Kimi's eyes flicker open.

"Good morning handsome" Kimi said, flashing that beautiful smile he reserved only for Sebastian. 

"Yes", Sebastian thought. This was definitely love.


	14. Connection

Kimi sat in his favourite spot in the living room looking out over Lake Zurich. The lake looked icy cold this morning, as if the harsh winter wasn't far away.  
He sighed as he drank a mouthful of his coffee; he was so content he almost felt like he was floating. 

The time he had spent with Sebastian the previous day, and the beautiful moment they had shared when they woke up this morning was the cause of his elation.  
He could feel Sebastian watching him as he had slept, needing him. He could feel the sweet sensation that had ran through his body when Sebastian had ran his finger so gently over his face, in a caring, almost protective way. And he could hardly believe how quickly things had progressed, how centred and comfortable they already felt with each other after such a short period of time of knowing about their mutual feelings.  
But Kimi also felt like so much had changed, like things would never be the same again between him and Sebastian. The intimacy they had shared, the togetherness and simplicity of it all told the Finn that this was something different that he was feeling. Not only different from what he initially thought he felt for Sebastian, but it also made him realised the way he felt now was new, exciting and at the same time scary from anything else he had experienced with any other woman, or man.

Kimi was so deep in thought that he hadn't noticed Sebastian very quietly sneak up behind his chair. On reaching Kimi's shoulders, Sebastian slid his hands firmly but ever so slowly down the Finns front towards his chest, allowing his back to bend and his head to bow and make contact with skin, lapping sweet kisses along Kimi's shoulders. The beautiful assault continued to the pulse points on Kimi's neck and made there way around to his chin before retracing there steps.

"Oh my god" Kimi thought to himself as he instantly melted into Sebastian's touch, slouching back and allowing his head and mouth to go lop sided. He had died and went heaven; there was no other explanation for it all. 

Sebastian was now trailing his tongue along the most sensitive of points just under Kimi's ear, being very careful to deliberately suck on his earlobe in the passing. Kimi noted through the immense satisfaction that Sebastian's actions were changing, they were no longer gentle and sincere, they were hungry and needy. This excited Kimi a lot.

A lot.

Giving in to temptation Kimi placed his cup down and rose from his chair, instead kneeling on it. This brought his face in line with Sebastian's chest. It was his turn to tease, to excite.  
He ran his hands under Sebastian's t-shirt and settled them lightly over his nipples. Sebastian lowered his head to make eye contact with Kimi, too lock eyes and portray exactly what he felt.  
Now he had eye contact, Kimi could easily see what he had suspected in Sebastian's actions; lust, need, arousal. The thought was beautiful, comforting and terrifying all at once; the anticipation of what was going to happen next sent a jolt of electric down Kimi's spine.

As there lips met, the intensity they had both been feeling became apparent to one another through there hot, wet and rough kiss. Kimi almost felt like they were competing again, trying to out wit each other. Kimi was beginning to like these games between him and Sebastian.  
Kimi dug his nails into Sebastian's sensitive skin around his nipples and began to play with the buds that were growing harder by the minute.  
He could barely contain himself from the sounds Sebastian was now making, moaning into his mouth and his breathing beginning to hitch. 

"Advantage Kimi", he thought.

Enjoying the erotic mess that he was turning Sebastian into, he decided to increase the force of the kiss and begin to tease his nipples once more.

"Oh Ja. Kimi bitte! Das ist gut" Sebastian breathed heavily as if it was taking every effort to speak, losing the will to converse in English altogether.

Kimi was astounded, and extremely satisfied at how much of an effect he had on Sebastian. At the same time, it did not feel right; it felt like things were moving too fast. He wanted to stay in the bliss of just being together, kissing, talking. He loved the anticipation of where things could lead, so much so that he wanted to anticipate it for a little longer.

Kimi broke off his attack, gently drawing his hands back out from under Sebastian's t-shirt and instead placing them on his shoulders. At the sudden abandonment, Sebastian broke off the kiss and looked at Kimi in a confused almost hurt sort of way.

"Everything ok Kimi?" Sebastian asked, tilting his head to the side whilst his eyes showed an air of concern.

"Everything is more than fine, believe me. Just, what's the rush?" Kimi was surprised by how small his voice was, he also sensed a questioning tone he wasn't expecting.

After Sebatian survayed him for a few moments, his expression changed and he smiled brightly, allowing his arms to wrap comfortingly under Kimi's arms, around his back in a reassuring way which Kimi took as an agreement.

"Yeah, I suppose. I guess I was getting a little carried away. it's just the effect you have on me Mr Raikkonen!" Sebastian blushed slightly and gave Kimi a small wink and a kiss on the cheek as he spoke. He then broke apart from Kimi and walked towards the window.

"Looks like a nice day out there, maybe a walk would clear our heads?" Sebatian said, crossing his arms and looking at Kimi to see if he agreed.

Kimi did agree. He hadn't been out much since the operation and even though he'd been back in his house for a short period of time, he already felt like he was climbing the walls.  
After a few more of Kimi's clothes were put on by both of them to keep the cold out, the two men make there way out of the drive into the wilderness that surrounded the Finns house.  
They walked along the overgrown paths holding hands, chatting about everything. Kimi loved how Sebatian spoke, the way he described things, the words he used, his accent. He liked the fact that he could speak English and Finnish and didn't mind switching between the two every so often. Sebatian would usually do most of the speaking and Kimi would listen, it had always been that way and it worked very well. But what Kimi loved the best about talking with Sebatian was the expression he used. the way his amazing eyes would light up when excited, or the cute pouty frown he would give when he didn't like something.  
They spoke about Kimi's recovery, and how this was the most exercise he had had since the operation and that that was all about to change in the next few days when Kimi's new physio Ali got him working out again.

They walked some more, stopping to admire views from open clearances that gave beautiful views onto the lake. They also took photos of things they found amazing, like trees that looked covered in cobwebs from the hard frost that had fell over night and hadn't lifted.  
But mostly Kimi found himself staring intently at Sebatian. God he was sexy. He had a boyish charm about him yes, but also he had the rough and ready manly look going on the now with the 3 day stubble. Kimi liked that look.

Sebastian stopped and reached out to grab Kimi's other hand. As they stood face to face, hand in hand, Sebatian smiled his wicked grin at Kimi, looking like he was plotting something. He then simply leaned in and placed a kiss on Kimi's hat on his forehead. Pulling back he looked at Kimi in a way that made the Finn feel precious, like he was made of rubies and diamonds. The look that Kimi would hope he gave Sebatian.  
He then brought his hand up to stroke Kimi's face and brought his head back in to place his forehead on Kimi's, where he had just kissed.

"I really hope you know how much you mean to me, Kimi." Sebastian sighed.

The words filled Kimi like a glorious liquid, spreading through his body from his toes to his fingertips. It was a curious feeling, one he couldn't really explain. He didn't feel the need to either.  
The way in which Sebatian had spoken them was so sincere, as if he had opened his heart and his emotions to him. Kimi didn't doubt for one moment that they were the truth.  
But yet, Kimi could tell that there was more behind them, that Sebatian was only telling part of the story. He was holding something back. 

Kimi considered his words very carefully. He couldn't find the words he exactly wanted to say. It would be all fine and well just repeating back what Sebatian had said but he doubted he could be as sincere and naked in his delivery.  
After all, Sebastian was the talker and he, Kimi Raikkonen, was the listener.

Deciding that actions speak louder than words, Kimi released his hands and brought them to Sebastian's waist. He then kissed Sebastian with all the intent and purpose he could muster, wanting Sebatian to understand what he wanted to say, even though he wasn't really sure himself what that was. 

The kiss was long, soft and sweet. Hands began to touch, to caress. Fingers began to draw comforting circles on backs and the two men could feel each other smiling through there connected mouths.  
Kimi could also begin to feel himself getting hard against Sebastian's leg. He didn't understand, he didn't want to fuck Sebatian, he wanted to be in this moment, this beautiful intimate moment forever. He would never understand his body...  
Sebatian had obviously felt the arousal also and had begun to gently rub his leg in the direction of Kimi's groin.

"Fuck" Kimi breathed rapidly as Sebatian caught him right at his sensitive, over stimulated head. He knew how to play him.  
Deciding he didn't have the will power not to react, Kimi begin to rub his leg between Sebastian's legs, emitting the noises he so loved from earlier.  
It was such a turn on. 

Then Sebatian was looking him in the eye, all resolve lost. Sebatian looked like a wild animal, going in for the kill. Kimi about came there and then.  
The two men kept the strong eye contact, it drawing each other in and allowing them to understand that this was the next step in there relationship. It didn't mean that they couldn't still have the intimacy, they just needed the sexual aspect added in too. They needed the raw, animalistic side of things.  
They had tried to contain there feelings, but at that moment, they had forgotten the reasons why.

Soon Kimi brought his hand down to Sebastian's now bulging crotch. He placed a flat palm on Sebastian's jeans and began to firmly press down along his now fully hard cock. Sebatian was doing very well at keeping his eyes from rolling back in ecstasy, although they did look completely glazed.

"Ja Kimi, oh ja..."

The words in German and the closeness in Sebastian's now erratic body actions were driving Kimi wild once again, he felt his release wasn't far away. He would give anything right now to feel Sebastian's hands on his crotch but he doubted he was capable of it.

And then Sebatian was falling, falling fast in a blaze of glory. 

He had placed his head on Kimi's shoulder, panting words that Kimi couldn't even understand, he doubted if they were actually coherent words at all.  
After he came, Sebatian rested on Kimi's shoulder for a couple of moments whilst panting and kissing the delicate spot on Kimi's neck. Kimi returned the favour by whispering comforting sweet nothings in Sebastian's ear and practically supporting him by the hips.

After regaining reality, Sebastian caught Kimi's mouth messily. He placed his hands down onto Kimi's erection and mimicked the actions that had brought him to his climax moments before.  
Kimi didn't have much time to comprehend what was happening before he was somersaulted into his own euphoria, his own release so beautifully brought about by the man he adored. 

The first thing Kimi was aware of was his back being soothed by a gentle rhythm and Sebatian softly breathing in his ear. When he recovered from his orgasm, Kimi stood up straight and looked at Sebatian. 

Kimi was finding it hard to read Sebastian's emotions which was very rare. He thought he sensed apprehension, worry in his eyes. Kimi decided to test the waters.

"So much for clearing our heads, huh?" He said, in his usual Kimi style.

Sebatian simply smiled, the negative undertones of a couple of seconds ago vanished. As the looked at each other they began to laugh. Kimi couldn't quite believe what he had just done. Yeah, these path ways are pretty secluded, but not completely, they could still have got caught in a very compromising situation.

Sebatian was making him act a little crazy, Kimi couldn't quite understand it. Maybe he never would. He wasn't known for his dwelling on things and over analysing them, why would he start now.

They decided to head back to the house, the darkness of a heavy cloud beginning to descent. Getting back in just in time before the wintery showers began, they cast off the extra layers they had added and set about making something warm to eat.

Sebatian was quiet whilst eating the soup they had made, and Kimi could sense he wanted to say something.

"Are you ok?" Kimi asked, placing his spoon down to show Sebastian he had his undivided attention.

"Hmmm" He smiled, looking up from his soup. "Oh, yeah, i just don't really want to leave. I don't want our couple of days to end."

Kimi sighed, he wanted Sebatian to stay too. He was going to ask but was interrupted by Sebatian. It was as if he had read his mind.

"Don't tell me I can stay, it will only make it harder for me. Anyway you know i cant. I need to be at the factory on Friday." With that, sebastian went back to his soup, signalling the end of the matter.

The rest of the afternoon went by in a flash. Kimi kept thinking of the phrase "Time flies when you are having fun." It was true. He adored having Sebatian around, it made him feel safe, he laughed, he smiled.  
It was as if Sebatian completed him.

They spent the rest of there time together looking at old photographs of when Kimi was a baby and listening to music. Then they simply lay in each other's arms on the couch watching the now torrent rain, having their fill of each other before they were going to be starved for a few days.

With a heavy heart, Sebatian got his jacket on and ready to leave after staying much later than he had planned.  
kissing on Kimi's front door step, they clung to each other, both unwilling to let go of the magical time they had spent together. They couldn't find the words to say to make there selves and the other one feel better.  
Kimi decided that he needed to be the stronger person and firmly but slowly pushed Sebastian away from himself, giving his cheek one last stoke. Sebastian seemed to understand that this was the final goodbye and respected it.

As Sebatian drove out of sight, Kimi stood at the window and watched him go. He reflected on all that had passed in the last couple of days. He could hardly believe that he had crossed the line with Sebatian, the one that meant they were no longer just friends.  
He thought about how Sebastian made him feel, how he could read the German like an open book most of the time, and the new feelings he was experiencing because of it all.

He had promised himself he wouldn't think too much, it wasn't going to bring Sebastian back through his door.  
But he did allow himself to try at least to understand. How could he care so much? How could he have such a strong connection with Sebatian to the point where they can communicate through a look alone?  
The theories and ideas swirled around his head, making him dizzy with confusion, desire and longing.  
He had looked at every logical possibility and was eventually forced to accept that the only explanation that was left was the right one.

He was truly, madly, deeply in love with Sebastian.


	15. Assumption

It was no good. 

Sebastian had been lying in bed for over three hours and still couldn't switch off to sleep. He was tired but he could not get comfortable, he was too warm then too cold. It was frustrating the hell out of him.  
After getting home late the night before from Kimi's place, he had felt too restless to sit still. He instead packed all he would need for his visit to the factory and the Autosport awards ceremony he was attending in a couple of days.

He still couldn't believe the time he had spent with Kimi. The way things had changed so much but also so naturally was surprising but exciting at the same time. How far could this really go?   
Sebastian was still sceptical about how he viewed his relationship with Kimi, They evidently weren't just friends anymore, but did Kimi want the same as him? Did he want to be his boyfriend like Sebastian so desperately wanted him to be his? 

The connection between them seemed to be even more intense, if that were possible. The way they had allowed there feelings to run away with them yesterday in the forest, the rawness of the emotion was also a new exciting development.   
Sebastian smiled at the memory of the way Kimi had come undone to his touch, the way he had panted and pleaded with his eyes for everything Sebastian was willing to give him. He had barely needed to try.   
He couldn't wait to get his hands on Kimi properly. He wanted the physical aspect; this much was definitely clear from yesterday. Nevertheless, he also still found Kimi a mystery. He wanted to be able to pick away at his subconscious and understand him completely, to know what was going on in his head.

Sebastian felt alone. He hated the big, emptiness of his bed. Yesterday he had fell asleep and had woken tangled up with Kimi and now, well now it just felt wrong.   
He wished he had stayed until the morning, but at the time he had felt that delaying his departure would only have made it harder to leave in the end. He still believed this, but it was not consolation.  
Sebastian wrapped the bedcovers around himself in a protective way, hoping to simulate the feeling of contentment, safety and utter bliss he felt with Kimi, it was however a poor substitute. 

After another half an hour of tossing and turning, Sebastian finally gave in and decided to get up.   
Heading to his inbuilt gym, he thought maybe a workout would be good to distraction from the longing and loneliness he was feeling.  
Stating off with weights, Sebastian found that he wasn't really putting his all into it. He was becoming too easily distracted and losing track of how many times he had done things. He couldn't event get his breathing right to control the weights properly.  
Sitting up on the weights machine, Sebastian cradled his face in his hands and let out a groan of frustration.   
He wanted to shut off. He wanted to get on with normal life until it was time to see Kimi again. Why wasn't there an emotion switch that he could turn them off for a while? He could surely last a couple of days without him though, he could still speak to him on the phone if need be.   
But at that moment, he just wanted to be back to his normal focused self. Just for a little while anyway.

God being in love was stressful.

Deciding that weights wasn't for him today, Sebastian tried a different approach. Noticing that the light was beginning to spread over the rooms in the house, he decided to get ready to go for a run. the weather outside was cold and a little slippery under foot but maybe a challenge like that was what his brain needed. Running had always been a great way of clearing his mind.

Opening the front door to the freezing December air soon made Sebastian regret his previous decision and he found leaving the cosiness of the house was an effort. Once he got going, deciding that a run around the lake was probably the safest option in the conditions, he began to feel the usual sense of calm and focus he was accustomed to when running. It was liberating not having such a weight on his shoulders.

The scenery around the lake was breathtaking. The water looked a steel grey colour today which was in contrast to the light blue sky which was only spoiled by a couple of clouds. The air was still cold and it nipped at Sebastian's skin as he ran, but it was refreshing, it made him feel alive. 

Sebastian hadn't gotten far when his attention maybe lapsed into the scenery a bit too much, losing concentration in where he was actually going. Coming to a particularly slippery part, he lost his footing and soon found himself on the ground on his side with a sharp pain running up his elbow.

"Scheiße!" Sebastian groaned as he sat up nursing his elbow. As he got his breath back, he got a feeling that nothing was going to go right for him today. He'd be as well going back to bed and hiding under his duvet until his flight tomorrow. Then he remembered why he wasn't in his bed, the reason he couldn't sleep.   
An empty hollow feeling was making him ache. he longed for Kimi so much. He could feel the tears of frustration build in his eyes and as he blinked, he felt then trail down his cheek. 

It was then he then made a decision. He shouldn't need to feel like this, he didn't need to. He could quite easily go back to Kimi and tell him that he was wrong for leaving in the first place. He didn't mind admitting his mistakes.  
Sebastian stood up and dusted himself down, checking for anymore injuries. Once he was satisfied he was fit, he started out again with a light jog but soon found himself practically sprinting back along the path he had only moments before travelled. 

After a quick shower and change of clothes, Sebastian was hurrying out the house into his car. Kimi lived about 20 minutes away but on this occasion, one of the most disastrous days of Sebastian's recent history, the journey felt more like an hour. He fiddled about with the radio trying to find a decent song, but all it seemed to be was adverts. he contemplated phoning Kimi but thought he'd like more to surprise him.   
Sebastian's mind soon fell into its usual routine of thinking about Kimi. Should he tell him how he felt? That he loved him. Or would he scare him off with that revelation, maybe it was too soon? But still, he needed to know where he stood with the Finn, he wanted to know if his feelings were requited. He didn't know for sure but he felt something was there between them. It was more his curiosity that was getting the better of him.

Arriving at the gates of Kimi's house, Sebastian seen that they were open. Not only that but there was a car sitting in the drive.   
"He obviously has company," Sebastian thought to himself. He wasn't sure what to do next. Turning up at Kimi's unexpectedly was already a little risky but with other people there, it would just make it awkward and possibly a little suspicious.   
Yes, nether of them where doing anything wrong but Sebastian was almost 100% sure he wasn't quite ready to unveil his newfound relationship with Kimi just yet.

Sebastian was busy thinking of options, should he phone Kimi the now and tell him he was going to visit, give him a little time to warn his guest, or should he just leave altogether.   
His decision was made for him however, as the front door of Kimi's house opened and out emerged a woman. An extremely beautiful woman Sebastian noted. Not only that, but the woman was now kissing Kimi on the cheeks and hugging him. but it wasn't the woman's actions that were catching Sebastian's attention, it was the look on Kimi's face.   
He wasn't pushing her away in disgust, Sebatian couldn't hear what they were saying but he was pretty sure Kimi wasn't telling her that he was in a relationship and to back off. He felt numb at the smile on Kimi's face, the smile he thought was only for him.

He watched in disbelief when after a minute or two the woman got into her car and drove off, unaware of his presence watching on. Kimi waved her off and then retreated into the house, shutting the door and the garden gates automatically closing too.

Sebastian didn't know what he was feeling; he was mixed somewhere between angry, confused and distraught, all in one. He felt like he needed either to throw something or cry, he wasn't quite sure.   
Who was she? He didn't recognise the woman but Kimi was obviously very friendly with her. He kept reliving the actions of both of the woman and Kimi, the closeness and almost intimacy they shared.   
Sebastian cursed himself for allowing his emotions to run away from him, to actually fall in love with Kimi. They clearly weren't in the same place. Kimi just seen Sebastian as a friend with benefits, not long-term relationship material, still being a free agent, still allowed to be with whomever he pleased. 

The German could feel his heart hammering on his chest, beginning to find it hard to breathe evenly. "What ifs" were flying around his head, "what if I had just stayed last night", "what if I had just told him how I truly felt". Would Kimi have felt the need to have a booty call with some random woman. That's if she was a random woman, maybe he, Sebastian, was the third wheel in all this. 

Resting his elbows on the steering wheel and putting his head in his hands, Sebastian concentrated on his breathing, he was going to hyperventilate if he didn't just breathe. He felt suffocated by the revelations today, by the shock of everything. Screwing his eyes up, Sebastian felt the familiar feeling of the warm tears rolling down his cheek. He hated how unfair this all was. He didn't care if he was being selfish, he wanted Kimi. Just when he was almost sure he wanted to declare how he really felt to the Finn, it had all be snatched away from him, this revelation that had changed his rose tinted view on his relationship with Kimi.  
After gaining his composure, Sebastian decided he wanted to get as far away from anything to do with Kimi altogether. He couldn't bear to even look at the gates to his house anymore.   
He started the car and began his journey home, not bothering with the radio this time. 

Sebatian reflected on the time he had spent with Kimi the days before, finding it hard to see them in a different way. The previous encounters that he'd had told him maybe, just maybe, that he could have something so special with Kimi. Surely he couldn't have been wrong all those times? What about the safety he felt with Kimi? Or the way he spoke and Kimi listened contently? The silences that were never ever awkward, that spoke louder than a thousand words. Had he really imagined and fabricated it all?   
But what put the doubt in Sebastian's mind the most, the part that tore him apart inside, was the fact that he thought he knew Kimi, he thought he understood him and "got" him.   
He thought that he knew his secret smile, that it was reserved only for him...

He found out today, that he didn't know Kimi half as well as he thought he did.


	16. Rejection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm SO SO SO sorry I have been so long in updating, such a busy time of year!
> 
> Anyways, I'm back! <3

Kimi unlocked his phone impatiently and gave a sigh. He had barely spoken to Sebastian over the last 5 days, but no through the want of trying.   
Every time he had phoned, Sebastian had not answered but had instead text a while later saying he was busy and would get back to him when he could. When he did eventually get to communicate through text, things seemed laboured, the conversation not flowing naturally, as it normally had between him and Sebastian. It had seemed like they were strangers and all that had went before was forgotten about.  
Kimi felt that he was good at reading Sebastian and understanding what he felt and what he needed off him at that point. Kimi just knew how to react to Sebastian. 

Likewise, the Finn also could sense that something wasn't quite right. He noted the distance in the way Sebastian had text, the barely there, one or two word answers.  
Kimi had finally picked up the courage and decided to ask Sebastian exactly what was up. He had spent a lot of time on the text, conscious of how things sounded and not wanting to offended Sebastian and drive him away any further.   
He had eventually settled on being blunt, like he so perfectly is, and asking straight up if he had done something wrong, something to offend Sebastian at all.

Kimi had hoped that a reply would have been waiting for him once he was finished with his physio.   
Ali had been a trainee before Kimi had left Ferrari originally and he had really hit it off with her. She was almost like the little sister he'd never had.  
Now she was a very experienced member of the Ferrari team and had been assigned to Kimi to assess his recovery and get him ready for the start of testing in a few months.  
Kimi was lucky that they were like-minded people and had always got on. He was delighted when he knew he was getting Ali as his physio and seen her more as a friend than a work colleague. They had tried to stay friends and keep in touch over the years but busy work schedules soon made them drift apart altogether.

Once Kimi and Ali had made there arrangements for the next day, she left but not before giving Kimi instructions on some exercises she wanted him to try before bed, to hopefully strengthen his back further.

Before long, Kimi's attention once again was fully on the matter of Sebastian and his untimely decision to go cold on him. He racked his brains, desperate to find a morsel of information he had possibly forgotten, a moment in time that would explain the sudden change in character.

Sebastian was usually the needy one. He, Kimi would usually be the one giving the attention, being the dominant, complying with Sebastian's needs and satisfying his own at the same time. But no, over the last few days he had felt the role reversal happen, he felt alone, needing comfort, needing the warmth ans attention off Sebastian for once. He wanted to talk and talk and talk and he wanted Sebastian to listen to him. Yes, this was very out of character for Kimi. He didn't mind it at all actually, if Sebastian was there to fulfil it. But he wasn't, He wouldn't even speak to him on the phone.

Kimi became aware he had been standing in his hallway blankly staring at his trophy collection at the end of the corridor by the kitchen. Every win, every victory snatched out of the hands of defeat, everything those trophies stood for blended into insignificance. He usually took comfort from them, a reminder of the hard work and perseverance that he had shown over his long and colourful career so far. But right now, he'd trade them all in if it guaranteed that he would have his Sebastian.

Dragging his hands through his hair, Kimi could feel the frustration beginning to swell in the form of tears. He had to keep trying. Sebastian was maybe able to switch off his emotions to him, be couldn't do it in return. He was in too deep, he couldn't turn back now, not after allowing himself to fall completely and madly in love with the German.

Turning from the trophy collection, the Finn made his way into the living room and picked up his phone. Without really thinking, he began scrolling through the names in his contacts until he got to "Sebastian".  
He called, recalled and recalled until he had gotten Sebastian's voicemail nine times. On number 10, he decided to leave a message.

Listening to Sebastian's voicemail was relaxing and comforting, even though Kimi couldn't understand a world of it as it was in German. Waiting for the beep, Kimi began his message.

"Hi Sebastian, I have been trying to get a hold of you, I wanted to catch up with you. I feel we haven't been together for a very long time. I miss you..."

Kimi paused as he held back his emotion. After a few seconds, he regained composure and continued.

"I want to visit you. I can come to yours or you know you are more than welcome at mine. Anytime. Please phone me, or at least reply to me by text. Please know I miss you. Bye Sebastian."

And with the last few words sticking in his throat, he hung up and blinked the tears out of his eyes. Crying, was he really crying over this? What was this man doing to him.

Perching himself on the edge of his favourite seat, Kimi looked out over his favourite view. It looked dark and stormy over the mountains today, the water lapped angrily and looked nowhere need as beautiful as it did usually. The world out his favourite window had a way of portraying nature's beauty to suit his emotions. It was uncanny really.

The vibration of a new message startled Kimi back to his horrible reality. Sebastian.  
Opening the message, it simply said,

"Hi, sorry I missed your call. Super busy and having to stop over at the factory again before heading to Paris."

And that was it. 

Kimi read and re-read the message. Had he missed something. He could hardly believe what he had read. It was just so, generic. It didn't have any emotion, any tenderness about it. He felt like Sebastian was slipping, falling from him further and further away.

But what frustrated Kimi the most was the fact that he didn't know where he was at fault, IF it was he who was to blame. If Sebastian would only answer his phone, he was sure he would muster the confidence just to ask.  
But no, the only away he was going to get any answers was face to face. 

Then the thought occurred to Kimi. He wasn't ready to just let go. He couldn't, it would destroy him. Sebastian meant too much to him and he was pretty sure he meant something to Sebastian also.  
But he was ready to fight for Sebastian. To make the German see that they needed each other so perfectly. He needed to clear the air and get everything out in the open, no secrets or worries anymore. There wasn't anything Kimi could think of that couldn't be sorted.

Face to face. He would have to face Sebastian and have it out with him. 

He would go to Paris.


	17. Distraction Pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Translation...
> 
> "Danke Nico, für alles" from German to English "Thank you Nico, for everything"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter isn't solely from Kimi or Sebastian's POV, it chops and changes. Something new I'm trying, please let me know via feedback if it works well, or is difficult to follow. 
> 
> I really do appreciate your opinions. <3

Kimi shifted about awkwardly on the hotel room bed. The relativity short flight from Switzerland to Paris had left him in a lot of pain. Sitting in the one position did this to his back. He managed to find a comfortable position on his side, hoping to get a little sleep at least before seeing Sebastian, hoping his mind would be a bit clearer. 

On arrival at the same hotel he knew Sebastian was staying at, he had batted his eyelashes and turned on the charm. In the end he quite easily found out off the receptionist the room number of the German.  
Now was a waiting game. It was only 6:30pm, the FIA awards wouldn't have even started yet never mind finished.  
Kimi eventually began to drift off to sleep, allowing the comfort and warmth of the mattress and duvet cover fill him and relax his aches and pains. Along with the warmth, he also let beautiful thoughts of the way things have been with Sebastian in the past penetrate his daydreams. The intimacy and intensity of the emotions and feeling they have portrayed to each other.  
The need and admiration was just so obvious in those few seconds of refection before he drifted off. He just knew he had to fight, had to make Sebastian see that they where, when together, bigger than any situation that could stand in front of them. 

However, in dream state, Kimi could not control his thoughts and as he drifted deeper into sleep, his thoughts became dark, negative and doubting. He felt an overwhelming sense of hurt; he could feel the ache in his chest. His heart breaking. 

"what if things cant work out?

"what if Sebastian doenst feel what I do? This is his way of telling me?

"what if I need to go another day without him?

The pain was now burning him, eating him from the inside out. Kimi managed to shake himself awake. He was soaking, the once cosy bed cover that had lulled him into his bittersweet rest, had turned on him and suffocated him, making him cold instead with the beads of sweat slowly falling down his back and forehead.

So sleeping obviously wasn't the answer to passing the time.

It was going to be a long night.

 

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

 

Sebastian watched him from the other side of the room. How did he do it? He had an ability to walk past a group of people, not make eye contact or draw attention to himself, but still everyone noticed him.  
Of course he knew he had this ability and loved to use it when he could.

Sebastian watched as the source of his attention began to chat with the group of people he had not so innocently drawn his attention towards. He spoke so easily, so fluently and confidently. He could keep conversations exciting, funny, flirty...

Nothing like Kimi...

Sebastian shook his head and balled his fists in anger at himself for thinking about the Finn. He still felt so hurt and betrayed.  
It was like a strong mix of emotions, a mix like he'd never felt since Abu Dhabi, when he first discovered the initial feeling he held for Kimi.  
Only this mixture wasn't innocent and the start of something beautiful, it was toxic, and was slowly turning him mad with anger, resentment and hurt.

Sebastian became aware he was being watched. He held his gaze with him, not wanting to look overwhelmed or intimidated.  
Why did he always feel like it was a battle of wills with those eyes?  
He began walking to Sebastian, his soft, purposeful steps bringing him closer to his fellow German. 

Then he stopped. 

The man in front of him simply gestured over his shoulder with his head, suggesting they find somewhere quiet, knowing at that precise moment what Sebastian was trying to portray with his eyes.

But not with his heart, that belonged somewhere else.

Sebastian knew this was a bad idea, but he needed distraction, and Nico Rosberg was good at giving that.

 

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

 

Midnight. It was finally here.

Kimi took one last look in the mirror and gave a sigh. He hoped the next time he looked in a mirror he could face himself. He felt like a shadow of his former self without Sebastian. He hoped that the next time he was in this room, everything would be sorted and he would have declared his undying, absolute eternal love to the German. 

He had tried to believe that everything would be ok, but his natural sense of negativity was taking over, was making him doubt Sebastian's feelings even more and also put doubt in his head that going to Sebastian's room tonight is a good idea.  
But he would go. He needed reassurance that Sebastian did truly feel the same or if things went really wrong, at least get some closure.

He hoped it wasn't the latter.

Picking up his key card and phone, Kimi made his way out of his room and towards the elevator. Sebastian was a couple of floors above Kimi, in one of the suites that the FIA had gifted to all drivers receiving awards.  
When the lift opened, Kimi walked along the short corridor to suite 8 where the receptionist had told Kimi Sebastian was staying.  
As he stood in front of the door, Kimi became very aware of his breathing and the way his arms just hung at his sides. He took a deep breath and knocked.

Every emotion, every word and sentences he wanted to say to Sebastian was running through his head far too quickly. He felt nervous that he was just going to blurt them all out at once, make no sense and just break down completely when he saw Sebastian.

But after a few seconds of waiting, there was still no answer.

He knocked again. Still nothing.

The nerves began to subside, he obviously wasn't back yet. Kimi had time to collect himself and figure out exactly what he needed to say to the German. 

But as he sat at the room door, 30 minutes passing, 1 hour passing, he didn't feel better for the time to think. He decided he'd rather just act.  
Placing his head back against the door, he closed his eyes. His mind went blank of the words to say to Sebastian a while ago, and instead one sentence was running through his head in loop.

"I love you Sebastian."

Kimi once again fell into uneasy sleep but this time the exhaustion and stress made it deep. He didn't even notice Sebastian's arrival.

 

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

 

Sebastian closed his eyes and focused on the beautiful sensation of Nico's lips trailing there way over his neck. God he was good at this.  
They were both in the middle of the bed fumbling there own clothes off and beginning to feel the desperation to have skin on skin contact.

The memories of before, in the hotel in Abu Dhabi, were infecting Sebastian's head. He remembered how he had made Nico come apart underneath him, the look of ecstasy on his climatic face and the beautiful noises he made, muttering Sebastian's name over ans over again. He wanted it all.

Soon there was only light material of underwear between them. Nico had moved his attention away from Sebastian's neck and was now enticing him into a slow, wet and meaningful kiss.  
It wasn't like last time. Last time they were rushed, sloppy and needy, this time Nico had a lot of meaning in his actions, as if it was something more.

Sebastian didn't know how to react. He didn't want slow and meaningful, that's what he would want with Kimi. with Nico, well, he fancied him for sure but that was about it. 

He just wanted sex. No emotions, no complications. Right?

Nico was now sitting on Sebastian's lap, looking at him with hooded eyes, a softer, gentler expression than the one in Abu Dhabi. The intensity was gone, the lust was something deeper. It scared the hell out of Sebastian.  
Nico leaned in and stroked Sebastian's face. He then cupped it with both his hands and placed another of his meaningful kisses on Sebastian's lips. No tongue, just contact.  
Sebastian could feel his breathing fasten; his head was all over the place. 

Then Nico spoke.

"I'm so glad you're here Sebastian. I haven't stopped thinking about our last night. I've been wanting this, well you, for such a long time."

With that, Nico began to kiss Sebastian again and slowly stroke his hand down his chest. He grazed his nails ever so lightly up and down Sebastian's stomach emitting these beautiful noises of contentment as he did so. Sebastian was very aware of how much Nico was getting off on just body contact and kissing alone. 

He was definitely more into this that Sebastian. 

Watching Nico wasn't turning him on, his body wasn't even reacting to the touch of his fellow German that was now travelling into his underwear.  
He was too wrapped up in what Nico was feeling, it was exactly how he imagined he looked, felt, sounded and spoke when he was with Kimi. And it was terrifying him. 

Before Nico had the chance to wrap is hand fully around his cock, Sebastian bolted upright off the bed and turned his back to Nico.

Sebastian looked out the window, his arms crossed and closed his eyes to the tears of regret and betrayal he felt towards not only Nico but also Kimi.  
He could see Nico's refection in the window, sitting in the middle of the bed, back hunched and knees to his chest. he was staring at Sebastian.

"Nico, I'm so sorry." Sebastian spoke first, still keeping his back turned to the German.

Nico stayed still, but Sebastian noticed his breathing getting heavier. He wanted to turn around and face him, he wanted to explain but felt like it would be humiliating for both of them.

Nico bowed his head ans begin to speak, in barely a whisper.  
"I get it. I'm sorry I've tried to make this something that it clearly isn't for you. I'm not going to lie to you Sebastian, I've fallen for you. I felt a connection in Abu Dhabi, I guess I'm assuming you did too, that why we are here tonight."

Sebastian felt the familiar pang of guilt in his stomach, he couldn't tell Nico that all he ever wanted off Nico was distraction, comfort and sex. He had just opened his heart to him, admitted he had feelings. Sebastian just hoped he wasn't in too deep.

"So why are you here Sebastian?" Sebastian jumped, he hadn't noticed Nico leaving the bed and closing the gap between them.

Sebastian turned around and faced Nico. He had to be truthful with him, explain and make Nico see that he wasn't who he thought he was.

"I guess I need you too Nico, but in a different way in which you need me. Honestly, I wanted to feel again what I felt in Abu Dhabi, things weren't as complicated then. If I'd known you had deeper feelings for me, I would never have came here with you tonight, It's not fair of me."

Nico looked Sebastian in the eye and sighed. his body language was closed, nothing like the openness and confidence he was giving to Sebastian only moments ago.

"Is this to do with Kimi?"

Sebastian blinked nervously and looked away from Nico, turned his back and looked out at the Paris skyline below.

"Yes" Sebastian replied.

"Are, where, you two together?"

"Kind of."

"Where you in Abu Dhabi?"

"No"

"Did you like him in Abu Dhabi?"

Sebastian hesitated, "Yes"

Nico paused and considered his next question carefully.

"Was I a means of distraction for you in Abu Dhabi? I mean, Sebastian, I propositioned you, you're not to blame for that." Nico added hastily at the end.

"I guess you where ye-"

"And tonight?" Nico cut over Sebastian. "Is this what this is? I'm compensation for whatever has happened between use two?" Nico's vice broke at the last sentence.

Sebastian turned around and looked Nico in the eyes. He was holding back the tears, realisation etched over his beautiful, handsome face.

"I'm sorry Nico, if I'd knew how you felt, i would... i would never, NEVER, have mucked around with your emotions."

Nico was now looking at the floor, silent tears rolling down his face and his mouth parted slightly as if he was wanting to speak.

"Sebastian, do you love Kimi?"

Sebastian closed his eyes to block out the world, to hopefully delay the answer he was about to give. He wouldn't lie about his feeling for Kimi, but he also didn't want to hurt Nico anymore than he had. 

However, truthfulness was the best policy.

"Yes, with all my heart." Sebastian looked at Nico as he said this, hoping and praying he wouldn't just crumple into a heap inform of him.

There were a few moments of silence before Nico nodded slowly and wiped his eyes dry. He brought his beautiful gaze to Nico, the sadness and hurt still painfully noticeable.

"If you love him Sebastian, why are you here with me?" Nico asked, a slight hint of giddiness in his voice.

"I caught him with someone else. A woman, at his house."

"You caught him in bed with her?"

"No, they were getting cosy on his door step, it was pretty obvious what they had been getting up too..."

"Have you confronted Kimi about it?" Nico said, his voice now settling into his usual calm, mater of fact tone.

"No, I've barely spoken to him, he doesnt know i seen them."

The two men were silent for a few minutes, Sebastian stared out over the beautiful city before him, the lights twinkling and the cars locking like tiny ants on the road below.  
It was really a beautiful sight. Not the most beautiful sight he had ever seen, That was reserved for the view over lake Zurich, but that was maybe because Kimi was there to share it with him.

"You need to speak to him Seb." Nico's voice was barely a whisper, but it was the most sincere thing he had said all night. Sebastian couldn't imagine how much courage, how painful it must be to say that, to selflessly give relationship advice to the person you have been rejected by.

"You need to speak to him" He repeated, "You need to get the full story and top jumping to conclusions. If you love him, you owe him that at least."

Nico's words disappeared as he walked to the bathroom and closed the door.

Sebastian was overwhelmed. Nico was right, he needed to talk to Kimi. He still daren't believe that there was an innocent answer, that he had looked too much into it. He wouldn't let himself get his hopes up too high.

As Sebastian began to dress, Nico appeared out the bathroom, his face looking drawn and his hair wet. He had wrapped a dressing gown around himself and he held it tight to his waist, it was like a security blanket.

"Nico, i-"

"Please Sebastian, I don't think anything you, well, we could say to each other could help either of us right now. Please." 

The tears were welling up in Nico's eyes again. Sebastian felt awful, like he had been so selfish and horrible, using another human being like this. He felt ashamed of himself. 

Sebastian walked over to Nico and placed one hand on his cheek. He gently stroked it and gave Nico a smile of comfort, of thanks, he'd helped him see many things more clearly. Nico melted to his touch, his breath hitching and his eyes closing.

"Danke Nico, für alles." Sebastian whispered these words, then dropped his hand from his face. He then turned on his heels and left Nico alone with his thoughts.

Approaching the elevator at the end of the corridor, he was lost in the emotion of what he had just experienced. How could he have done this to Nico? In a way, Nico was in the same boat as him. Feeling something for someone who maybe doesn't feel the same. Nico had been brave to admit to Sebastian how he felt. He had also been gracious in defeat and had helped Sebastian work his problems out. 

As Sebastian entered the elevator and pressed the top floor, he wondered if he was strong enough to do that, to be such a good and humble person to encourage Kimi and support him in his life, but not as his boyfriend. 

He honestly didn't think he had it in him.

As the elevator doors opened, Sebastian stepped over the threshold and stopped in disbelief.

Was he imagining things? was This really happening? Or had he finally cracked and gone mad.

Either way, the man that had been the source of all this emotional upheaval, all this heartbreak, was here, he was sleeping at his door.

Sebastian made his way over and stopped in front of Kimi. He knelt down and looked at him, his face, his hands, his neck, drinking in every part of him.  
He felt happy, sad, angry, content, complete, empty; every emotion that was possible at that very moment.  
Confusion wracked him. He hoped so much that he had jumped to conclusions about what he had seen, but with the hope and confusion, also came doubt.  
Why did the element of doubt always rear its ugly head.

He stared at Kimi for a good while, there was no way of telling how long. He went through every emotion one bye one, analyzing and familiarising himself with it, just like he did with every aspect of a F1 car, before asking himself if it fitted how he felt. However, only one fitted what he felt for the man in front of him.

The overwhelming feeling he felt was love. The love for his Kimi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a difficult chapter to write. I do love Simi as a couple and as individuals, but Nico is my favourite. Having to write his emotions was hard. I wanted to keep him a genuinely nice guy in the story, like he seems to be in reality. So the way he selflessly accepts the relationship and love between Simi was difficult to get right, I hope I succeeded.  
> Thinking about writing a Nico chapter at some point, but I don't know if I could handle it emotionally! haha
> 
> <3


	18. Devastation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like most people in the F1world and further afield, my thoughts over the last few days have been dominated by the horrific accident suffered by Michael Schumacher. Devastated isn't even a word strong enough to describe how I feel for his family and friends.   
> Such a great man who in his formula one career wasn't afraid of winning. I have no doubt that he will be just as hungry to win this fight too.  
> Schumi is the reason I love F1, he was my hero when I was 6 years old watching him race. To me, he IS formula 1.
> 
> Sending positive thoughts and prayers to Grenoble. <3
> 
> A bit bitter sweet, but Happy New Year to you all, I hope 2014 brings only the best for you all.

Nico didn't watch Sebastian leave the room; he couldn't bring himself to lift his eyes from the floor. He could however feel him walk out the door, his senses becoming painfully aware of the emptiness he now felt; the cold, harsh, light of reality punching him hard in the face and the stomach.

He was once again without Sebastian.

Then the tears came, large pearly beads rolling down his face. Nico fell to his knees, unable to see a reason to hold himself up any longer, to find a reason to be strong.

He'd really thought that he had something with Sebastian after their night in Abu Dhabi; in fact, he'd barely stopped thinking about him.  
He'd felt the connection between Sebastian and himself. He could remember so fondly and vividly the way Sebastian had made him feel, the sensations that had ran through his body and the intenseness of both of their actions that had made for an explosive and enlightening experience.

Enlightening as Nico had never felt this way about a man. He been with other men, but had never got as emotionally involved before.   
He had taken a chance that night and it had paid off. Or so Nico had thought.

This evening he had taken another chance, it had all felt perfect. He had felt Sebastian watching him, trying to catch his eye, wanting him. The feeling of course, entirely mutual.

He eventually had Sebastian close again, the Germans body moving to the rhythm of his. But this time it was different, Nico wasn't sure if it was because they had been in this situation before, or if it was due to his feelings that had since developed from the previous encounter. But whatever the reason, Nico felt calm and wanted to make Sebastian feel what he did, he wanted every movement, every word, and every fleeting glance to be soaked with admiration, attraction and love. 

Nico adored the way his hands felt against Sebastian's skin, particularly enjoying the trail from Sebastian's ear to his shoulder, encouraged on by the noises it emitted when he ran his tongue along it. It was soft, sensual and inviting. Perfection.

Nico had straddled Sebastian. The more dominant role had made him feel powerful and it turned him on to know that Sebastian would put his trust in him. It had made him feel more confident in what he was doing.  
Confident enough to tell Sebastian how he felt in the heat of the moment, and when he did, he felt liberated. 

Then, Sebastian was pulling away, putting as much distance as he could between the two men with his back turned, all emotions closed off.  
And Nico's world was falling apart. He'd sat in silence on the bed, just watching him, trying his best to read how he felt. Hoping to have a moment of inspiration or words that would fix everything back together again. 

Nico knelt on the floor and remembered vividly what he and Sebastian had spoken about. Sebastian had said that he needed him as much as he needed Sebastian, but in a different way. Nico tried not to analise this statement but deep down, Nico had known exactly what it had meant. Sebastian wasn't in the same place as him emotionally. 

He had Kimi. It was obvious by the way they were with each other. Nico was pretty sure he noticed the spark before either of the two men.  
And Nico needed to ask about Kimi. Sebastian seemed guarded and pained by the questioning, but answered truthfully about his love for the Finn.

Then the previous statement had made sense. The words "need you too Nico, but in a different way in which you need me", revealing there true meaning.   
Nico knew he needed Sebastian because he had developed serious feelings for him. He had become an obsession. But he had since realised that Sebastian needed him for comfort, sex and distraction from his difficult time with Kimi.  
Nico of course had felt hurt and used. He knew Sebastian would never internationally make him feel like this but it devastated him just the same. 

But through the tears of disappointment and pain, Nico could see that Sebastian was hurting too.   
They were in the same position after all. He couldn't bare the thought of Sebastian feeling the way he did. Nico wished it could have been simpler, why couldn't they just feel the same as each other for each other. He knew that no amount of wishing was ever going to make that happen, so instead decided to do the best he could for the shadow of a man that was now before him. Maybe in a round about way it would give him closure too.

Bowing his head in defeat, Nico had decided at that moment that he wanted Sebastian to be happy. He wanted to see that face alight again, not the look of dread and uncertainty that had plagued him tonight. He new Sebastian was in love, but asked the question anyway, hoping to snap his own emotions back to reality, hoping desperately that it would make him feel less for Sebastian knowing his heart belonged to another man.

It had not. Instead Nico felt like his insides where burning, the pain of rejection and the irrational anger building in his stomach. This was no ones fault, he knew that but a part of him had blamed Kimi, he couldn't even bring himself to imagine the Finns face.

It had turned out that Sebastian has thought he'd caught Kimi cheating. From the outside in, it looked pretty obvious to Nico that Sebastian was jumping to conclusions, he didn't have much to go on.   
Nico had managed to give himself a shake, to put himself in Sebastian's shoes. He genuinely wanted to help, so composed himself and thought long hand hard about what he was going to say to the German. He encouraged Sebastian to talk to Kimi, to sort it out and see the full picture before judging the situation.   
It killed him a little to say it, to openly suggest he patch things up with Kimi. He could feel his resolve failing once more, so he quietly made his way to the bathroom to calm himself once again.

In the bathroom, Nico had taken a good long look at himself in the mirror. He looked horrendous with tear reddened eyes and blotchy skin. He felt horrendous also. He felt like his stomach was in a spin, like he would vomit any minute. Holding his breath and closing his eyes, he held his breath of a few seconds, wishing the churning in his stomach to stop.   
He had thought about how all of this could have gone so wrong. 10 minutes before, he was on cloud 9, all that he had wanted for the last two months was finally coming together, things were falling into place.   
Then the sucker punch. He had known there was risk in declaring how he felt to Sebastian, but he didn't expect to feel this devastated by a knock back. It scared him, did he really understand the extent he has feeling for Sebastian? He began to doubt himself. 

Turning on the cold water, he stared at the sink filling slowly. He then scooped up the water, splashed it over his face, and ran it through his hair. The instant cold hit of water made him shiver, but it seemed to relax him a little, like the dirt of the last conversation was being cleansed away.

Leaving the bathroom, he had been greeted with a fully clothed Sebastian. Nico was glad in a way that he was leaving, he needed to think things over and try to understand his own feelings, but still, he wanted to cling to him, to get on his knees and beg him to stay.  
Sebastian began to talk but Nico cut him off, at the time he couldn't take the pity that was going to spiel out of Sebastian's mouth.   
Sebastian instead closed the gap between himself and Nico. It had made Nico uncomfortable, he was aware he was crying again. He didn't want to keep showing weakness to Sebastian, because he didn't want him to feel guilty but mainly he didn't want to show him any more weakness than he had already. He had openly given him his heart, his ego was bruised. Where had it gotten him. He couldn't do it anymore.

Sebastian had then brought his hand to Nico's face. The contact that Nico so desperately craved was back, was being given willingly again. Only at that moment, he had known the motive behind it, it wasn't through attraction, it was by means of thanks, a sort of comfort that Nico was nowhere near appreciating at the moment. Everything was still too raw. He instead looked at the carpet, willing the tears to stop, and Sebastian just to go.

And then he was gone and Nico regretted ever thinking that thought. 

Bringing himself up off his knees to sit back against the bottom of the bed, Nico thought about Sebastian and the events that had went that night. It tore him apart to think about it all, the thought of having something and losing it so cruelly.  
He wanted Sebastian to be happy, and he had been happy at one point this evening, the point in which Nico had encouraged him to talk to Kimi.   
He truly loved him, who was Nico to get in the way of that? Because of how he felt for Sebastian, a small part of him accepted it. He would never get in the way of true love. 

He just hoped and prayed that Kimi knew how lucky he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a one off Nico chapter. It was fun, if not emotional, to write from his perspective, but feel having too many POV is going to make my life harder when writing and also, possibly confuse you, the reader.
> 
> <3


	19. Declaration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is absolute fluff, enjoy! ;) <3

Sebastian watched as Kimi stirred. He wrinkled his forehead as if he was trying to squeeze his eyes closed, his head lulling to the side and a deep sigh leaving his lips. Then he opened his eyes. He did not register Sebastian at first; too dozy to even see what was in front of him.  
He watched as the realisation washed over the Finn. It felt like an eternity before he lifted his chin to make eye contact, as if he was daring not to believe that Sebastian was in front of him.

They looked at each other, a silent longing between them. It had been so long since they had spoken properly, never mind actually been this close.

Then Sebastian's arms were around Kimi's neck before he could even control what he was doing. He was squeezing him so tight, like he never wanted to let him go again. He knew he still needed answers, he needed to know who the woman was he had seen. But this contact he had starved himself of was too tempting, too intense to even pretend he wasn't interested.   
He pushed his head into the Finns neck, breathing him in. He could not believe he had come to Paris; he loved how Kimi was so spontaneous in that way. He revelled in the wonderful feeling of Kimi returning the hug, his arms wrapping around his waist and resting lightly on his back.

Sebastian drew back and surveyed the love of his life sitting in front of him. He looked like Kimi, his beautiful steely blue/ grey eyes and soft blond hair mostly unchanged from the last time they had been together, apart from the underlying sadness in them. It was like he was in pain. Pain Sebastian had caused. He wanted to kiss it all away, to make Kimi feel better. And so he tried.  
The kiss was gentle and meaningful. It had been so long since they had been intimate and Sebastian was sure he would have been content to stay in this moment forever. It was, to him, perfection.

Kimi then pulled away and stared at Sebastian once more. Slowly he shook his head and whispered, "No, answers first.".   
As he watched the Finn stand up, Sebastian began to realise his mistakes. Of course, Kimi was not going to just fall back into his arms after getting the cold shoulder for weeks. Sebastian needed to explain, control his emotions a little better.

Kimi leaned against the wall and his head fell back, looking up at the ceiling. Sebastian was unsure of his next move.

"Do you want to come in?" Sebastian suggested as he unlocked the door with the key card, holding it open for the Finn, his voice barely a whisper. He was scared of what the answer would be.

Kimi turned and walked in the door. With a great relief, Sebastian followed. The room was large and open plan. Kimi walked straight over to the sofa and sat down, his leg crossed over the other, his arms crossed over his chest. Sebastian was painfully aware of how guarded he looked, the suspicion that was in his eyes boring into him like a hot poker.

"Listen Kimi, I..." Sebastian tried to speak, but broke off mid sentence. He didn't quite know how to say what he needed to. It was difficult to say things in a way that would make Kimi understand. He tired again.

"You're probably wondering why I've been, well, "off" with you lately." Sebastian tried to read Kim's reaction to this statement, but he was still giving nothing away.

"Yes. That's certainly one word for it." Kimi's words were full of hurt, he looked cold and guarded still. "Just, tell me Sebastian. You're beginning to worry me now!"

Like with Nico earlier, Sebastian decided that honesty was the best policy. There was only bad to come from not being 100% honest now.  
Moving over to the sofa where Kimi was, he sat down next to the Finn, resting his hand gently on his crossed knee.

"Truth is, I came to your house one day, when you weren't expecting me. Well, I saw you kissing a woman at your front door..."

"What!" Kimi snapped his head round to become face to face with Sebastian. The two men sat in silence for a few seconds before, to Sebastian's shocked surprise, Kimi began to laugh.

"Erm, why are you laug..."

"That was Ali you idiot!" Kimi said, his eyes regaining their spirit, like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.  
Sebastian was confused, why was Kimi laughing in his face? Why was he openly mocking this situation? And then he understood. Ali was Kimi's new physio. He had spoken about an Ali, he just didn't think of her being, well, a her.

"But, you were kissing her, I thought..." A frantic, gob smacked Sebastian was once again cut off by a hysterical Kimi.

"You thought I was mucking about with her? Sebi, she's like my baby sister, it was nothing more than two friends saying goodbye. Please, feel free to phone her and ask how far back we go and how totally uninterested she is in me. Believe me, I tried once..." 

Kimi clearly noticed the "stop talking now" look that Sebastian was giving him and did as he was told. Sebastian was however more interested in how ecstatic he felt at the simple explanation to who the woman was. Nico had been right, he had jumped to conclusions. He also felt silly, if only he had asked the question in the first place, things wouldn't have gotten as neatly as complicated as they had and still were now.

Sebastian was surprised when the Finn took his hand and brought it up to his mouth, kissing it softly. Kimi brought his face to Sebastian's ear and whispered, "Please, promise me you will never, ever jump to conclusions again. Please tell me now that you know that you can always speak to me, you can tell me any worries and we can sort them together."

Sebastian closed his eyes and found the strength to simply nod his head.

After another tender moment of contact and blissful silence, Sebastian found the words he wanted to say. 

"I'm sorry Kimi, I know how stupid I've been. But I guess I figured a few things out tonight, that maybe I, well, I definitely jumped to conclusions about what I seen, and for that I apologize."

But it wasn't the only thing Sebastian wanted to come clean about, he needed to tell Kimi about Nico, about what could have possibly have happened only an hour ago.

He didn't want to ruin this perfect moment but Sebastian unwrapped himself from Kimi, wanting to be able to look him in the eye when telling him what had happened. He hoped that Kimi would be able to see past the fact that Sebastian had almost slept with someone else and see how stupid he had been and felt about it, but at the same time how crazy he was for the Finn.

Kimi looked worried, his eyes cold and dark again, his face full of confusion. 

"I need to tell you something, something that could have happened tonight. But it didn't. I want to be truthful with you, I want you to understand what I nearly did to you, before we go back to being us." Sebastian placed one hand on Kimi's cheek.

"Just tell me." Kimi whispered, taking Sebastian hand from his cheek and clasping it in his.

Sebastian took a deep breath and spoke. "I went to Nico's room tonight."

Kimi narrowed his eyes and nodded his head once. The two men sat in silence for a moment before Kimi spoke.

"Did you have sex with him?" Kimi eventually asked.

"No, I couldn't bring myself to do it. It felt wrong."

"Why did you go then?" Kimi had questions. Sebastian didn't expect anything less. He was however, shocked by how calm Kimi was.

"I thought you had slept with someone else, I guess it was my way of coping." Sebastian's eyes quickly darted to Kimi and he noticed his eyebrow rise in surprise. He cursed saying it, realising how stupid and jealous it sounded. 

"So, how far did it go?" Kimi clearly chose to ignore the previous statement from Sebastian and had now let go of his hand. He was standing looking down at the German. He looked unsettled, shifting his weight between his feet, a sort of anxiousness coming over him.

"We kissed, it was getting heated, and that's when I freaked. He'd knew about my feeling for you. He understood in a way, I told him what I had seen, you and Ali, and he pretty much told me to get a grip and talk to you..."

Kimi nodded softly. "Well, least he was good enough to point you in the right direction."

Sebastian didn't know how to take the last comment by Kimi, it almost sounded like he was jealous, but at the same time, like he was making a joke. It however, made him glad he had decided to withhold the bit from Kimi about Nico's feeling for him. It was a private matter that he would respect for Nico.

Kimi turned and walked away from Sebastian, and for a moment, the German got a horrid feeling that he was going to walk out the door. He instead turned and went into the toilet.  
Sebastian used the time waiting on Kimi to get them a drink. He poured two neat vodkas, drank one and then refilled his glass.

He was sitting on the sofa when Kimi returned. Lifting the glass to Kimi, Sebastian smiled and patted the sofa with his other hand, beckoning the Finn to come sit with him. Kimi sat, took the glass and drank the drink in once swift movement.

"So what else did you and Nico talk about?" Kimi still clearly wanted to know more about what had happened earlier that night. Sebastian understood completely.

"He seemed to know that you were the reason I freaked, he asked me questions about you, about if we were together and for how long. He then asked me if I loved you..."

Sebastian trailed off, realising what he had said, how unintentionally he had brought up such a subject.   
Kimi's eyes grew wide, anticipation clearly visible in them. He thought for a moment, becoming very interested in his empty glass. 

"What did you say to that?" he said, his voice thick with tension and barely audible.

Sebastian looked longingly into those beautiful eyes, and his hand found Kimi's cheek.

"I said yes of course."

The two men looked at each other for what felt like an eternity, understanding the significance of the moment, the turning point in there relationship together. Sebastian was then shocked and humbled by what the man he had just told he loved for the first time did. Kimi had tried to hold it together, but all he could do was exhale deeply and closed his eyes as if to savour the moment. He place his hands either side of Sebastian's face and pulled his head towards him to rest their foreheads together. He then whispered a gentle "say it" and Sebastian understood.

"Kimi, I love you." 

Sebastian felt liberated. The one thing he had wanted to say for so long was said. It had been holding them both back, which was clear now. The last obstacle had been removed. He could carry on with the rest of his life. His life with Kimi. He understood at that moment that not only did Kimi need to hear those three words, he, Sebastian needed to speak them too. Kimi knew him well enough to know that.

Kimi was now kissing him, a passionate, meaningful kiss that had so much feeling and emotion in it than Sebastian could ever begin to understand. He could feel the Finn smiling through the kiss, his hands now teasing Sebastian's hair and stroking at his earlobes.  
Kimi pulled back and smiled so brightly at Sebastian that brought him to tears. It meant the world to see Kimi looked that happy, to know it was his words that had made him feel that way.

"Sebastian, you know I feel the same don't you? You know I love you too. Please tell me you know that..."

And now Kimi was crying, declaring his love for Sebastian. They connected lips once more, if possible more want and passion than before in the kiss.  
Sebastian at that moment couldn't understand how he could still be hurting. He stroked Kimi's face in a possessive way, fully aware of the tears rolling down his face.

"I don't deserve your love." He said, his feeling of guilt of how he had acted, how he had so quickly turned to Nico. He felt like he had cheated the system, that he had won a race by default.

And then Kimi got off the sofa and knelt on the floor between Sebastian's legs.

"I forgive you Sebastian. Please know that. I understand why you went to Nico, you thought that it would make you feel better. You've learned from it. Let this situation only make us stronger. Let us move on with our lives, please. I don't want to waste any more time on the past. We need to start our future together. That appeals to me much more."

Sebastian at that moment had never felt so much love and admiration for one person, he couldn't believe how lucky he was. He felt like it was a dream that he would awake from at any moment.  
He pulled the Finn up by the collar until he was on top of him. It felt right, the distance that had been between them lately, gone.   
He had longed for the comforting weight of Kimi, the way he touched him and the sweet words he'd whisper in his ear.   
Only now their was a new phrase to whisper to each other, one that meant that everything was going to be ok. 

Sebastian knew as he moved in perfect blissful motion with his Kimi, that he loved him with all his heart and always would, and after his declaration of love just moments ago, he knew that Kimi felt entirely the same.


	20. Sensation

The light began to draw a pale line on the horizon over the Paris skyline, the Arc de Triomphe shown in all its glory from Sebastian's hotel room window. The pink nature of the sunrise mixed with still dark clouds signalled the immanent break of dawn. The stars that did shine though the heavy darkness still, had begun to dull with the moon being completely forgotten in the beautiful splendour of that of the rising sun. 

The two men had spent hours talking, kissing, just being together. They laughed about the stupid-ness of Sebastian's jealously; the German finding it within himself to become amused at his mistakes. They cried, mainly at the happiness they both felt, the complete feeling of contentment and relief that they had finally spoke the words they had held so dearly, but heavily in their hearts. It had felt liberating, time had stood still. It was all they had needed at the time.   
But Sebastian's innocent suggestion that they go to bed as it was almost morning changed the mood completely. All of a sudden, the air was thick, tense and suggestive.  
Even though Kimi doubted that Sebastian had meant it to be this way, he couldn't help but acknowledge the rising feeling in his stomach, the one that was now travelling down towards his groin. But he had to be sure; he didn't want to be caught up in the moment.

Slowly turning from the couch that they had spent most of the night, Kimi began to walk over towards the bed at the far end of the room. He could feel the intense stare of Sebastian boring into his back; he was pretty sure he would be followed.   
Sure enough, by the time the Finn had sat down on the foot of the bed, Sebastian was already making his slow, intended advances towards him.   
'God, he is so beautiful!' Kimi thought with a smile as Sebastian walked more slowly, a cheeky but shy looking grin spread in his face, his eyes looking heavy but intensely locked on the older man.   
Kimi loved every inch of him. He couldn't quite explain how much. Everywhere from the tip of his dirty blonde hair, down to his elegant fingers that were always so beautiful at portraying exactly the emotion that he felt for Kimi. They made the Finn feel very humble.

Kimi reached out a hand to take Sebastian's, beckoning him into his touch, into his heart. He wanted to settle the air and clear it. He didn't want to rush things, they had waited this long for each other, and he didn't want Sebastian to be unsure of anything. He wanted to constantly reassure him that everything was ok, that his love belonged to him only, and in return, he only wanted the same from him.  
Sebastian took one of Kimi's hands in his and placed his other on the Finns shoulder, playing with the tuft of hair at the nape of his neck. 

'You ok Sebastian?' Kimi asked, his head tilted to the side, his voice sounding unconvinced. He wondered if he was really asking Sebastian or if he was asking himself.  
The German simply smiled and slowly but determinedly nodded his head. He then took Kimi by surprise when he leaned into the Finn, placing his hands on his shoulders and gently pushed him back into the bed. Kimi brought his hands to Sebastian's hips, supporting him as he straddled him, the soft grind if hips evoking emotions and setting alight a fire of promises to come.   
Even though he was aware of the shameful noise of pure lust he had made, all Kimi could do was simply look up at Sebastian, he was transfixed by the look in his eyes. He knew the look and he understood it. He felt it.  
Sebastian brought his hands back up to cup Kimi's face. He looked lovingly at him, then he began to speak.

'I really don't think you understand how much I love you Kimi, I don't think I even know myself. Maybe when we are old and grey and have had a lifetime to reflect on it I'll understand. I breathe you, dream you, I live for you and your touch. You are my missing piece, I feel complete with you, does any of this make any sense? 

Sebastian laughed and shook his head at Kimi. He looked exhilarated and terrified at the same time. Just as Kimi felt. How could Kimi answer such a question, how could he agree to understand what Sebastian meant when he didn't even understand his own feelings. He thought very carefully before he spoke.

'No Sebastian, you are making no sense. But honestly, I couldn't give a shit. You don't know or understand what you are feeling and that's ok, because I am as lost, terrified, excited and content as you are. That's what love is; you don't understand it, you feel it. So shut, stop thinking and just kiss me!' 

Sebastian looked at Kimi in a mocked shocked way, Kimi could never really shock the German anymore, they knew each other too well. He then lowered his upper body town towards Kimi's, their chests touching and Kimi's arms winding securely around Sebastian's neck pulling him into a safe and intimate hug.   
They simply hugged for a few tender moments, the impact of what the other said rippling through there bodies, warming them and giving them each a sense of belonging to the other.  
Sebastian then began to kiss Kimi on the temple, much to the joy of the Finn who was extremely sensitive at that point. The Germans breathing was heavy and seductive, he made small noises in Kimi's ear as he moved his sweet kisses down Kimi's face, resting at his neck to allow himself to shuffle his body down the Finn a little.   
All Kimi could barely do was lie there, steeped in the glory if the moment, the feeling of pleasure that was rising once again through his body. Sebastian had now brought himself down to Kimi's chest and was resting his head there, contently listening to the Finns heart rate quicken. Kimi played with his hair, curing his fingers around the soft waves of Sebastian's, loving the sounds he was causing. Growing conscious of the younger mans breathing slowing and becoming sleepy, Kimi suggested they got ready for bed properly.   
Sebastian sat up first, swung his legs over the side of the bed, and stood up. Kimi followed on the other side.

'So... What do you usually sleep in?' Sebastian asked, the mood lightening considerably.

'Nothing' Kimi replied, staring at Sebastian whist he began pealing his clothes off. It was true, he did sleep naked, but he decided to stop once got to his boxer shorts. Sebastian could only stare. He looked frozen to the spot, Kimi wondered if it was because he was nervous.

'Are you ok? We don't have to do anything, I ca-'

'No!' Sebastian almost shouted, smiling and looking down at the floor as he realised embarrassingly what he had just done.

'I.., it's not that I don't want to be half-naked with you, it's just, well...' Sebastian was giddy, Kimi found it quite amusing, the German who never usually shut up was lost for words.  
Moving around the bed, Kimi made his way to Sebastian and held his face tightly as he kissed his lips softly.

'Sebastian, look at me. ' He said, his nose almost touching the Germans. 'This doesn't have to be anything you don't want it to be. I would never want to pressure you into anything. If you're not ready for us being naked together then we won't, I'll put my clothes on again now, it's not a-'

'No!' Sebastian shouted this time, his hands placing themselves firmly on Kimi's chest, feeling along the subtle hairs there. He was looking down as he sighed.

'Maybe, you could help me. Just a little" he said, lifting his gaze up once more, a sly smiling creasing his face as he whispered in Kimi's ear.

Kimi didn't need to he asked twice. He brought his hands from Sebastian's face and squeezed his shoulders in agreement; he would help.   
Trailing his touch down to the white shirt that Sebastian was wearing, (the suit jacket and bow tie had been discarded a while back on the couch.) he started from the top, unbuttoning each button with a sense of joy and pride; this was his job, he had been given the pleasure of stripping the man he loved, a true declaration of trust in letting him do so.   
Once he got to the bottom, he slid the shirt off, allowing it to fall easily to the floor. Sebastian was standing still, looking directly at Kimi.   
The Finn then began to run a single finger down the centre if Sebastian's chest, travelling over his stomach and past his navel, stopping dead in its tracks at the button of the black suit trousers.

'Sure?' Kimi asked, resting his forehead on Sebastian's.

'Positive.' Sebastian replied, his breathing becoming heavy once more and his hands relaxingly resting on Kimi's shoulders. He had closed his eyes in anticipation.

Kimi undone the button and reached for the zip. He could feel Sebastian becoming hard and couldn't help but smile as he whimpered when he accidentally grazed his cock when pulling the zip down.  
A breathy 'Ja' escaped Sebastian's mouth as he did so, the Germans language revering back to his native tongue, turning Kimi on even more than he already was ; he liked the thought of Sebastian being so completely under his touch and control that he was losing the ability to function.   
Kimi brought his hands to Sebastian's ass to push his trousers down fully, pushing his groin out as he did so. Sebastian was biting his bottom lip now, his head back, eyes still completely closed. Kimi couldn't help it, once he had ridded Sebastian of his trousers that were now at his ankles, he attacked the Germans neck with bruising kisses, his teeth travelling along his adams apple and breathing deeply in his scent.  
The Finn carried this on for a few more minutes as Sebastian withered beneath him, more words seductively leaving his mouth, egging Kimi on.

'I want to go to bed.' Sebastian said laboured, having managed to form a coherent sentence in English much to Kimi's surprise.

Kimi led the way, Sebastian bending down to remove his shoes, socks and the rest of his trousers. The Finn then pulled back the soft, feather like covers and slid in, covered himself back over and waited patiently on Sebastian to make his own way over.   
Sebastian was walking awkwardly, his arousal obviously uncomfortable in his boxer shorts. Kimi knew how he felt. He pulled back the covers and lay bedside Kimi, the two men facing each other.

'I love you' Kimi declared as he brought Sebastian closer to him by wrapping an arm protectively around His back.

'I love you more.' Sebastian replied, his beaming smile tracing over his face at the obvious completion that had just been declared.

Kimi rolled Sebastian to his back and lay on top of him, pinning his arms above his head. He loved the feeling of being in control, having Sebastian at his complete mercy.

'I very much doubt that!' He said as he began to kiss from Sebastian's wrists down towards his armpit.

Sebastian began to thrash and try to buck Kimi off whilst laughing, he was obviously ticklish under his arms. As he continued to buck, their bodies moved in unison, Kimi making a point of pushing down when Sebastian pushed up, giving one another delicious contact.   
Before long, they were no longer play fighting, they were grinding on each other, both desperate to get the friction they seeked.  
Kimi brought his hands from restraining Sebastian, instead finding his hair and pulling him into a messy and passion filled kiss. He could barely breathe because of the force he had put into it, his face beginning to feel irritated against Sebastian's week old stubble. He loved it.  
Kimi was taken off guard when Sebastian then slipped his hand into the Finns boxer shorts and began to softly run his fingertips up and down Kimi's cock. It was in such contrast to the kiss that was rough, maybe that's why he was so surprised. 

It was Kimi's turn to become incoherent. He went blank. He could barely hold himself up over Sebastian, wanting the feeling to continue but also wanting to mimic Sebastian and give him the pleasure he deserved in return. Sebastian was looking him in the eye, his head back and his mouth open, muttering 'Yes Kimi' softly under his breath. Kimi wasn't going to last much longer, he needed to find a way to warn Sebastian. Kimi could feel his eyes begin to roll in his head as the pressure and speed began to rise in his boxers. But Sebastian must have realised, because he quickly removed his hands from the Finns shorts and instead concentrated on kissing once more.  
The few moments of relief allowed Kimi to think straight again. He began by kneeling up, looking down at the splendour of Sebastian below him. He ran his nails down Sebastian's chest, loving the hitched breath it caused and also the red marks he left. He felt like he was marking his territory.  
Leaning down to kiss Sebastian's navel, he gently kissed around the small circle, aware of the high level of sensation it was causing Sebastian. He was learning a lot about the German tonight.

'Bitte, Kimi!' Sebastian pleaded, his hands now in his hair, guiding him not too subtly down towards his cock. Kimi decided to tease a while longer, even if he was being begged in German. He kissed along the waistband of Sebastian's boxer shorts, back and forth until he thought the withering four times world champion beneath could take no more.  
Releasing Sebastian's aching cock form the boxer shorts, Kimi teasingly made eye contact with the German and said, 'Sure?'  
Sebastian couldn't do much more than nod, far too aware of the Finn almost teasing him to completion.   
Kimi ran a single finger along the under side of Sebastian's cock and it jolted, a sudden shot if arousal being conducted through it like an electric shock. Kimi then lowered his head and used his tongue to taste the salty presume on Sebastian's head, allowing himself to spend only a few seconds there as Sebastian was so sensitive, he could be pushed over the edge at any moment.  
Sebastian was kneading the bed with his hands, his fingernails almost causing holes in the bed sheets. He was panting, thrashing his legs and every so often lifting his head to observed what Kimi was doing. Kimi, however, couldn't take his eyes off the German, he was beautiful to watch. He wanted to finish him off, watch him cum like he had in the woods in Switzerland, but no, he wanted to show him more pleasure, if Sebastian felt ready for it.

Kimi trialled kissed up Sebastian's stomach once more and followed the line right up to his ear. He then whispered, 'I want to be in you, Sebastian.'

Another whimper escaped Sebastian's mouth upon hearing these words. But Kimi didn't need to wait long for a reply.

'Ja Kimi, please. I have stuff in my suitcase.' Sebastian answered, his hands now snaking around Kimi's waist to stroke his back tenderly.  
Kimi was a little taken aback by how organised Sebastian was as he found the condoms and lube in Sebastian's suitcase; he obviously planned to have sex. But Kimi wasn't one to dwell on the past, and he certainly wasn't going to complain when he was getting to do this with Sebastian.   
Sebastian sat himself up a bit, propped up against the pillows watching Kimi as he put the lube on his index finger. The German placed a leg either side if the Finn, his knees raised and resting his head back. He smirked as he made eye contact with Kimi, a look of complete and utter bliss over taking him. He looked so sexy Kimi was struggling to keep it together, it was only fair he prepared Sebastian properly first.

Pushing a slippery lubed up finger into Sebastian, Kimi moaned with arousal and anticipation as the tight ring of flesh contracted around his finger. Sebastian was breathing heavily but was holding it together better than the Finn.   
Twisting his digit, Kimi decided it was time to add another finger. As he did, Sebastian hissed but nodded at Kimi, just as he had threw him a concerned look. Kimi then added a third and after a few more minutes of teasing and stretching Sebastian into a comfortable size, Kimi decided it was his turn.  
Opening the condom, he quickly put it on his own cock and added some more lube on top. He wanted this to be as pleasurable as possible for both of them.   
He couldn't believe how relaxed Sebastian was now, he was still rock hard but had managed to regain his composure. 

Kimi brought both of Sebastian's legs over his shoulders and kissed each knee whilst giving the younger man a coy smile.  
'You ready?' He asked as he stroked Sebastian's stomach, the German placing his hand over the top of the Finns.  
'Yes' he replied and he clasped Kimi's hand in with his own. After a small moment of communicating through a single look, Kimi let go of Sebastian's hand and lined his cock up against Sebastian's tight hole.  
As he pushed slowly into Sebastian, the German stayed still and barely tensed. Kimi on the other hand was already fighting an impending orgasm.   
The tightness was so intense and it caught him by surprise. Once he was finally fully in Sebastian, Kimi composed himself and slowly moved his hips back, creating small movements that were starting to effect Sebastian.

'Ja bitte Kimi. Faster." Sebastian's eyes were locked on Kimi, communicating exactly what he wanted. Kimi began to pick up the rhythm, his hips moving a little faster and harder with each thrust. Kimi knew this wasn't going to last long, their was too much anticipation, but he wanted it to end together, he wanted a moment they could share.   
Pulling at Sebastian's legs, Kimi adjusted the angle he was entering the German.   
After a coupled of thrusts Kimi found it, Sebastian's sweet spot. He almost sounded as if he was in pain as he yelped out. Kimi was scared he had hurt him, asking if he was ok.

'Bitte, please, again!' Sebastian's eyes were dark with lust and want. Kimi couldn't rest them.  
Pulling out, Kimi thrust back into Sebastian finding his prostrate once more. He continued a few more times before he reached down and took Sebastian's cock in his hand.  
Kimi could feel his orgasm building, threatening to bubble over. He increased the speed he was thrusting, rocking his hips desperately into Sebastian who was now shouting in German, Kimi had decided to give up trying to understand. He could feel that Sebastian was about to come, his body was starting to convulse. 

Then Kimi's hit him. He couldn't hold onto Sebastian any longer, his released was leaving him, rendering him unable to cause any more pleasure to Sebastian. This didn't matter as the German had also hit climax and was unable to focus on anything else.

Kimi became aware a few moments later, his breathing was still laboured but he found himself being able to gently pull out of Sebastian and lie next to him. As he looked at the German, he thought about how completely spend he seemed, his eyes closed, his breathing returning to normal slowly but surely like him. Removing the condom, Kimi noticed that Sebastian had cum over his own stomach. So he found the strength to get a tissue and clean most of it away. The younger man noticed and managed a small 'thank you' before turning to Kimi and cuddling in close to him, lying on his chest, listening to his heart like before. 

Kimi could feel his eyes begin to close, he was tired and empty, he had given everything to Sebastian. He wanted to everyday for the rest of his life. He tired to keep himself awake, not wanting the moment to end. But as he listened to the breathing of the man he loved next to him change, he knew that he was the only one still awake in the room. He allowed himself to drift off into dreamless sleep, just as the rest of the city spread out the window below them was beginning to wakening up.


	21. Domination

Sebastian became aware of the soft circles being drawn on his back as he woke up in a haze of winter sun shining on his eyes. His arms felt heavy and his neck was slightly stiff from lying on the pillow awkwardly. Then he realised it wasn't a pillow.   
Bringing his hand up softly, he mirrored the movements he felt on his back on the body underneath him, the warmth of the skin a comfort to him. He felt up the firm body he was caressing, moving down to a navel and then slowly back up a trim side over to an erect nipple.   
Brought to his senses slightly by the wanting moan that this action was met with, he turned his head slightly and placed a gentle but lingering kiss on Kimi's chest. 

'Good morning.' Kimi breathed, bringing his hand from Sebastian's back and running his fingers through the Germans hair.

'Good morning to you." Sebastian returned, lifting his head up to look at Kimi and flash him a smile. He then moved himself from Kimi's chest and rested his head on the pillow, face to face with the Finn. He just smiled aimlessly at Kimi, not quite able to believe that he was in this position, vivid memories of the night before racing around his head. He brought his hands and placed them around Kimi's shoulders, which in turn encouraged the Finn to move closer to him, noses now touching. As Kimi wrapped his arms around Sebastian waste, the two men closed their eyes and simply listened to each other breathing, settled by the scent of the presence of one another. Before long, they were both once again fast asleep

~.~.~.~.~

Sebastian awoke a short time later, sweaty and sticky from being in such close contact with Kimi and the fact that the room was stiflingly hot from the midday sun shining in. Untangling himself from the Finn he got out of bed, brushing Kimi's hair off his forehead and placing a gentle kiss there as he headed to the bathroom.   
Turning on the shower, Sebastian looked in the mirror that was beginning to fog. He pondered for a while about the events of the last few weeks, namely the night before. 

How could he have been so stupid and jealous to have nearly ruined all this with Kimi? He felt an uneasy feeling in his stomach as he thought of this, eventually deciding there was no point in dwelling in the past as the mirror fogged completely.

Entering the shower, Sebastian altered the temperature to a cool stream, adjusting the head to a harsh jet, concentrating the direction on the nape of his neck.   
For some reason, the shower reminded him of the first time he'd realised his feelings for Kimi, that afternoon in Abu Dhabi. He remembered the confusion and slight disgust at the way his body reacted to the thought of his friend. 

It felt so natural now. 

If anyone had said that in only a couple of months time Kimi would be telling him he felt the same and they would be declaring their love for one another, well, Sebastian would think it was all one big joke on his behalf.

Sebastian heard the bathroom door open and popped his head around the shower curtain to speak to Kimi. He was slightly distracted by the fact that the Finn was naked.

"Morning. Again" he smiled, pointlessly shielding his naked body behind the curtain.

"Morning? Its 1.30 in the afternoon. We've slept right through morning." Kimi muttered as he began to edge closer to the shower.

"Erm, are you joining me?" Sebastian asked in mock surprise, he knew exactly what Kimi was doing.

As the Finn stepped into the shower, he unceremoniously pushed Sebastian against the cold tiles and whispered thickly in his ear, "looks like it, doesn't it?"  
Kimi then roughly caught Sebastian's mouth with his; pushing his tongue into his mouth and allowing his hands to roam all over Sebastian's wet ans wanting body. Sebastian was slightly ashamed by the noises he was making, the neediness and want so obvious for Kimi to see.   
This was just like the first ever fantasy he'd ever had about Kimi, maybe that was why the situation was having such an effect on the German.

"I love it when you moan like a little bitch for me you know." Kimi hissed into Sebastian's ear whilst grabbing his ass and pulling it into his own groin. The tingles began to run down Sebastian's spine at the dirtiness of the words Kimi was speaking.

"You know, we've been in this position before, in my fantasy. Except you were my bitch Raikkonen" Sebastian spoke with a joking tone to Kimi, trying even harder to speak in coherent sentences through the glorious feeling of his and Kimi's groins now grinding together.

Kimi stood back and smiled at Sebastian. "Maybe we recreate it then?" he said, hands on his hips and eyes looking the quivering wreck that was Sebastian up and down.  
Sebastian raised his eyebrows at Kimi and nodded slowly, closing the gap between them. Bringing his hand to Kimi's, he took the Finns and hand placed it on his semi erect cock. The feeling was intense, but definitely not unpleasant.

"Stroke me firmly but slowly. Tease me. Please." the last word Sebastian spoke was laboured and slightly high pitched as Kimi had already started with his demand. The Finn brought his forehead to rest against Sebastian's, looking him in the eye, both of their breathings matching the heaviness of the other.

"Ok, spe... speed up" Sebastian was able to mutter softly. 

"Say Please?" Kimi replied, bringing his mouth to Sebastian's neck and sucking roughly.

"Please!" Sebastian nearly shouted in frustration. Kimi picked up rhythm, still his mouth wandering around Sebastian's neck. The German stumbled backwards, his back hitting the tiles, which steadied him. He wanted more; he wanted Kimi's mouth on him. He didn't care if it didn't happen in the original fantasy; it was what he wanted now.

"On your knees Raikkonen" he whispered, which made the Finn bring his head backwards and place a feather light kiss on Sebastian's lips as he sunk to his knees.  
Sebastian was then taken off guard when the warmth of Kimi's mouth surrounded him, the sensation threatening to throw him over the edge completely.

"Ja..." he breathed, head, back and arms pressed firmly back on the tiles behind him. Even though he could feel every sensation over his body, the electrically flowing freely around his body, he felt paralysed, unable to lift ans arm to run though Kimi's now sodden hair. The water was rolling down his body, adding to the sensation and the enjoyment of the moment. 

Then Sebastian remembered another part of the fantasy. "My balls..." Sebastian barely managed in English, the feeling of climax so very close.  
As Sebastian looked down at Kimi, the Finn looked back at him, bringing his mouth from his rock hard cock to speak. "Manners..."

"Bitte!!!!" Sebastian snapped, much to Kimi's delight- he obviously liked the thought of getting under the German's skin.  
But, alas, Kimi granted Sebastian's request and began rolling the Germans balls in his hands whilst engulfing his cock once more.

Small noises were escaping Sebastian's mouth, the pleasure over taking him completely. He could only feel pleasure, he wasn't thinking anymore. He was in limbo, between the realm of reality and climax. Then Kimi pushed his mouth further over Sebastian's cock than he had before, hitting the back of his neck and making himself gag. This shocked the German back to reality.

"Kimi! Ich werde kommen! Bitte!" Sebastian was unaware he was speaking German and that Kimi didn't know what he was saying. 

"Seb, I don't understand, you're spe...." Kimi brought his mouth from Sebastian's neck and tried to explain.

"I'm. Close!" Sebastian barley spoke, unsure if he was actually speaking a coherent language or a mixture of two. But Kimi seemed to understand ans brought his hands to Sebastian's cock and began frantically pumping him. He looked up at Sebastian as he did so, he seemed to be hypnotised by the look in his eyes.

"Come for me Sebastian" he whispered, just audible over the running of the shower. Sebastian was pushed over the edge by these simple words, words that were delivered with such raw emotion, want ans love. He covered Kimi's face, the Finn bringing his face closer to Sebastian's climax and catching some in his mouth but mainly on his cheek.   
Sebastian continued to look down at Kimi, beginning to regain the use of his arms and pulled the Finn up by the shoulders into an embrace.

"Did I live up to your expectations then?" Kimi whispered as he nuzzled his nose into Sebastian's ear.

"Definitely, although," Sebastian carried on bringing himself under the water and beginning to run his hands over his body to clean himself, "I don't remember you being as demanding in my head."

Kimi grinned; he knew exactly what Sebastian was talking about. Picking up the flannel cloth, Sebastian watched as he filled it up with shower gel and cleaned his face of the evidence of their antics. Kimi then rinsed it under the water, added more shower gel to it and began to clean Sebastian with it.

"I'm sorry if I was demanding, but you didn't seem to mind it that much." Kimi's eyes met Sebastian's. "You seemed to enjoy the fact that I was being a shit to you, as long as you were still in control. You control freak."

Sebastian looked at Kimi in an indignantly, shifting his weight to one leg and looking at the Finn with his hands on his hips and his head cocked to the side.

"Excuse me; I am not a control freak!" Sebastian pouted as he took the flannel that Kimi had been cleaning him with and began cleaning his own arms.

"Seb, its not a bad thing, I love you for it, its endearing. Especially since you let me take control. Sometimes."

"I'm not a control freak."

"Then why are you now washing over the parts of your own body that I've already cleaned?" Kimi replied with a defiant grin.

Dam!

Sebastian stopped in his tracks. Ok, yes, maybe he did like to be in control. He always had. It was only because he was so sure of himself. But he was also sure of Kimi. Maybe he did need to let Kimi take control. Just a little.   
His eyes narrowed in on Kimi, his mock annoyance actually seeming to intimidate Kimi. But it didn't last long, Sebastian held the gaze for as long as he could before letting the façade fall and a wide smile cover his face.

"I can handle being a control freak. Least I'm not that laid back that I'm practically on my back the whole time!" and with that, Sebastian pulled the curtain back and stepped out the shower, pulling a towel around his waist.

"On my back huh? You wouldn't want me any other way Sebastian." Kimi quirked as Sebastian walked out the bathroom, throwing his arm up in acknowledgement of the Finns double entendre.


	22. Perfection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Never say goodbye, because goodbye means going away, and going away means forgetting...
> 
> \- Peter Pan
> 
> <3

Once the two men had dried off and dressed, the realised they had not eaten from the day before. It was surprising how easily you forgot to eat when you were intent on other things.  
Sebastian had suggested they went out to eat: the confides of the hotel room where begging to make him feel claustrophobic, even in the large open plan hotel room.  
Kimi was happy to agree- he'd only been to Paris once before with an old girlfriend but then they hadn't really seen much of the city, more content to stay in the room and do other things.  
Dressing casually, the two men tried to look like any other normal person walking about in the city; they didn't want to draw attention to themselves, especially since they were together in the most romantic city in the world. They both wore beanie hats, which made them look different from usual.

Leaving the hotel, Kimi took a deep breath and inhaled the freezing cold air of the city. It was cold but it was dry and since they were both dressed in warm clothes, both the men were eager to explore.  
Being nearly next door to the Arc de Triomphe, they decided to start there. 

But first thing was first- food. 

Entering the first café they came to, they quickly found a seat and looked at the menus. Luckily, Sebastian knew a little French, enough to be able to make an educated guess at what each thing was on the menu. They both decided on the same- soup that Sebastian had translated as vegetable and bread to go with it.  
After lunch was finished, (they both decided to have some pastries as dessert also) the two men looked at Sebastian's phone to gain ideas of where to go. They had their starting point- the Arc De Triomphe, and from there it only seemed logical to walk up the Champs- Elysees towards the Louvre museum. With a plan in mind, Kimi paid the bill and the two men left.

Once the two men arrived at the Arc de Triomphe, they found out that they needed to book their tickets much to the disappointment of Sebastian who wanted to see the cars go around the crazy roundabout from a better angle. However, since they didn't want to draw attention to themselves, or use the immortal words, "don't you know who I am?" they instead decided to carry on their journey up the Champs- Elysees.  
It was busy, lots of people Christmas shopping and of course thousands of tourists. But because of this, no one looked twice at the two drivers and they were even able to hold each other's hand for a period as they were in such close proximity.  
It all felt so natural to Kimi, walking and talking about small things they noticed in the vibrant city, the characters they seen or the places they wanted to go next. It was comforting to both of them to know they could be themselves and no one was really paying them much attention for once. 

After a long walk, mainly because Sebastian was such a tourist and needed to stop at every shop to look at all the souvenirs and Kimi eventually buying him a 'I heart Paris' cap as a joke, the two men came to a beautiful grassy part of the city, the Louvre museum just visible beyond.  
They decided to find a bench and have a rest, double-checking the direction they wanted to go in once they were at their next checkpoint.  
Kimi felt so relaxed just being with Sebastian. They hadn't really spent time together since he had visited him at his house in Switzerland a few weeks before. He found himself staring at Sebastian as he spoke, watching the way his lips moved when he pronounced things and the way his forehead creased when he frowned. But what he loved most was the sparkle and mischief in his eyes when he smiled and laughed, it was dazzling to the Finn.  
Before he had time to consider things or assess if it was a good idea or not- Kimi found Sebastian's lips with his own. He kissed the German tenderly, finding that his soft, rhythmic movements were now being replayed to him by Sebastian.  
Breaking the kiss, Sebastian was speechless. He looked at Kimi with such wonderment and surprise in his smile.

"That's a bit risky don't you think?" Sebastian asked, his voice shaking slightly and his cheeks burning under the intense stare of Kimi.

"I don't think anyone will notice to be honest. And if they did, they're not for a second going to believe their eyes." Kimi kept his eyes on Sebastian, placing his hand on the Germans knee and beginning to stroke it gently. He could see thorough Sebastian's smile that he still found the whole thing a little uneasy.

"But I guess you're right, we'd maybe be better not taking the chance." And with a swift slap of the Germans knee, Kimi was standing and pulling Sebastian up, leading him towards the Louvre.

~.~.~.~.~

After a short while walking about the grounds of the Louvre, they decided they didn't really want to visit the museum, and many photo opportunities later, the two men once again checked the map on Sebastian's phone to figure out where they wanted to go next. After much discussion and a little disagreement, they finally decided that the river would be their next stop. Once on the banks of the Seine, Sebastian and Kimi were surrounded by many couples wandering along, holding hands and stealing kisses from one another. Kimi wanted to be like that with Sebastian, but felt like he needed to keep it a bit more low key than he had earlier on when he had kissed him, remembering the uneasiness the German felt. He was therefore surprised when Sebastian softly took his hand in his own and intertwined their fingers when travelling under a more secluded bridge. The German stopped and faced Kimi, his eyes dancing with happiness. He then leaned in close and pressed a kiss on his lips, sighing contently into it and pulling back slowly to continue his smile of happiness.

"So... kissing me under hear isn't risky then?" Kimi quirked, cocking his head to the side and smiling at the beauty of the man in front of him.

"Well, yes of course it's risky. But..." Sebastian leaned in again and kissed Kimi once more, this time the Finn could feel the intent and want behind the kiss, nothing like the gentleness of earlier.  
Pulling pack slightly, Sebastian continued. "I love you so I guess you're worth the risk."  
Kimi could feel his heart beating in his chest. It was the first time today, since the whole emotional cooking pot of last night, that Sebastian had uttered those three life-changing words. The Finn was slightly taken aback, slightly shocked by such honest words of the German.  
Kimi found the ability to smile at Sebastian and gently rested his head against his shoulder. "I love you more though, know that."

Kimi could feel Sebastian smirk, clearly laughing in disagreement. He however decided to simply pull back and continue kissing Kimi instead of even disagreeing. 

This suited Kimi fine.

~.~.~.~.~

After another while walking and a good look at Notre Dame, the two men decided after once again consulting Sebastian's trusty map, that they wanted to visit Sacre Coeur. it also gave them a chance to try out the metro system, which Sebastian was very excited about. Kimi watched with a mixture of disbelief, amusement and slight arousal as Sebastian got excited about the metro train travelling in his direction at speed.  
"This is just like Berlin. The trains are similar sizes; they go just about everywhere you know Kimi, look."  
Sebastian shoved a metro map under Kimi's nose. All the Finn could do was nod his head and shuffle Sebastian into the train quickly before the door shut.

"Of course these are nothing like the accuracy and punctuality of the ones in Germany..."  
Kimi wasn't really listening anymore; he was busy watching two teenage looking men quietly talking, all the time their gaze fixed on the two drivers. He was sure he had heard them mention his and Sebastian's name, they'd obviously been recognised.

"Do they have a tram or train system like this in any Finnish cities?" Sebastian spoke to an unresponsive Kimi.

"Kimi?"

"Huh! Erm, sorry... what?"

"Do they have trains like this metro in cities in Finland?"

Kimi had no time to answer however as the two teens made their way over and addressed them. It turned out that the two teens were Belgian, backpacking over Europe and were both big F1 fans. They spoke to the drivers about technical issues, about Kimi's operation and his return to Ferrari and of course, Sebastian's 4 world titles. They soon needed to get off at their stop, but not before getting their travel maps signed and a quick photo.

Sebastian was quiet as the teens left the metro; it worried Kimi.  
"Are you ok Sebastian?" Kimi asked gently, placing his hand on the German's shoulder.

"Mmm! Yeah, it's just. Well. no, it doesn't matter really..."

"What did we speak about last night?" Kimi interjected into Sebastian's random mumbles. "We said that we would always be truthful with one another, share our problems and worries. Nothings too small Sebastian."

The German looked at Kimi with his beautiful blues eyes full of worry. "What if those two guys had past us under the bridge at the river? They would have recognised us." Sebastian turned away from Kimi, looking out the window to the city speeding by. The Sun was beginning to dip beyond some of the larger buildings now, the golden glow being replaced with a cold blue crispness.

"I love you" Sebastian spoke to the window, looking Kimi in the eye of his reflection on the glass. "But, I'm just not ready to be, well, out. My parents know of course, but I don't think I'm in the right place in my own head just yet to be judged."

The last word killed Kimi.

"Judged? Why would you be judged? You're not the first gay f1 driver, everyone kno.."

"But I'm the first gay four times world champion, right? Kimi, I don't need anything else against me. I already have my critics, my haters. They look for anything to hold against me! This just gives them more ammo..."

Sebastian was looking for excuses. He was scared, that much was clear. Kimi could understand, he needed to remember that Sebastian had only really discovered his feelings for a man a few months ago, it was all still new and very raw. Kimi had had years to understand and get his head around things; he'd have to be patient and give Sebastian time and support.

Smiling gently at Sebastian, he nodded his head and tried to communicate to the German through his gaze that he understood. Sebastian seemed to understand too, as he smiled back.  
The two men travelled in silence for another few minutes until Sebastian signalled this was their stop.

It was a short walk from the metro station to the steps of Sacre Coeur. The area was lighter with regards to tourists, most of them walking down the stairs, heading for the lights of the street below. 

Kimi could feel Sebastian's pace quicken beside him as they began climb the stairs, taunting Kimi to speed up, a gauntlet thrown down for a race. Kimi increased his speed, Sebastian followed. Kimi increased his again, and of course, Sebastian followed, the two men eventually reaching the top, panting hard and laughing, shaking their heads at the lack of maturity between them.

Sacre Coeur was a sight to behold. Because if the impending sunset, the white building almost looked like it was made of pure gold. Turning to look out over the city, Kimi couldn't believe the sight he was met with. The golden sunset stretched out over the metropolitan city before him. The light touched every corner, illuminating windows and making the Seine shimmer like a river of liquid silver. the Eiffel Tower stood out, the most iconic building in Paris.  
As Kimi leaned over the metal railing to observe the beauty of it all before him, he could feel Sebastian beside him. It comforted him. He wouldn't want to share this awe-inspiring moment with anyone else. 

Throwing caution to the wind, Kimi leaned his head to the side, it stopping and resting on Sebastian's shoulder. Sebastian froze making Kimi instantly regret it. The German however reached over and took Kimi's hand, entwining their fingers and placing his head down to rest on the Finns.

They stood looking out over the city, their city, until it was pitch dark and all that could be seen was street lights, the headlights of cars and the Eiffel Tower glittering in the back ground, content with simply being with each other.

Sebastian then spoke.

"You know what Kimi?" Sebastian whispered.

"What" Kimi replied.

"I defiantly love you more."

Kimi smiled. Sebastian really was a control freak.

~.~.~.~.~

"Just tell me where we are going..."

Sebastian had a surprise for Kimi; Kimi didn't do surprises.  
They were on the metro again, heading back from Sacre Coeur. they had been propositioned by two women and had then decided it wasn't the best idea hanging around one of Paris's famous red light districts at night. The press would have a field day of any stories were to get fabricated.

"Tell me Sebastian" Kimi was using his fake angry voice. Sebastian could obviously see right through it. It turned him on slightly. 

"you'll see soon enough..."

Kimi leaned back on his chair like a moody teenager and sulked for a good 20 minutes. He knew it would be nothing bad, if anything Sebastian knew him better than most so probably wouldn't disappoint. He however, didn't like the fact that Sebastian was once again in control.

"We're here!" Sebastian half shouted, jolting Kimi back to reality. As the two men left the metro, Kimi noted the station name; Pont de I 'Alma. He recognised the name from somewhere.  
As he walked up the steps still wracking his brains to remember where on the map he had seen this station, he was distracted by the glorious sight in front of him. 

The Eiffel Tower was directly in front of him, glittering in the most spectacular way.

"Surprise!" Sebastian shouted, throwing his arms in the air in the direction of the tower, as if Kimi was ever going to miss it.

"So, when you were paying for the coffees earlier, I text Britta. I wanted to do something special in Paris I told her, possibly something crazy. So..."

Kimi could see Sebastian was in his element trying to hold Kimi in suspense, so Kimi decided to humour him.

"So..." Kimi spoke back, a sense of forced urgency in his voice.

"So... I've only gone and hired the whole top deck of the Eiffel Tower just for us!" Sebastian practically jumped up and down as he told Kimi, his eyes dancing and his smile wide and endearing.

Kimi was slightly surprised by this: he needed to get an assistant like Britta. He made a mental note.

He smiled fondly at Sebastian speaking in a genuine manner. "That IS a surprise, I didn't know you could hire it..."

"Well, strictly you can't. But it turns out if the moneys right..." Sebastian trailed off as he began walking to the tower. Kimi followed suit, shaking his head ans smiling at how proud Sebastian was.

After speaking to the ticket office and giving them his reference number, Sebastian and Kimi were greeted by a tour guide, who was very willing to help and answer any questions they may have. Once at the top of the tower, the guide spoke for a good 15 minutes, giving a brief history on the tower (no brief enough Kimi thought) and asked if they had any questions.  
Once Sebastian spoke for another 10 minutes to the tour guide, the two men were eventually left alone.

Sensing the air becoming thick with unsaid words, Kimi turned his back to Sebastian and walked to the edge of the tower, giving Sebastian the power to choose if he wanted to act upon impulse or not. Sure enough, a few seconds later, Kimi felt Sebastian's arms reach around his stomach and his chin rest on his shoulder.

"Thank you for the perfect day." Sebastian whispered, making the hairs on the back of Kimi's neck stand on end.

"It's you, well, your amazing assistant, who has got us the Eiffel Tower to ourselves, I should be thanking you for the perfect day." Kimi brought his hands down to hold Sebastian's that were wrapped around his stomach still, gently rubbing them in a possessive manner.  
Standing once again in easy silence, the two men simply gazed. The lights seemed brighter now it was total darkness, almost hypnotic. They both felt like giants looking down on the tiny ants below. 

The silence was broken by Sebastian.

"Kimi."

"Hmm..."

"Will you be my boyfriend?"

Kimi froze and felt his heart quicken. The innocence and sincerity Sebastian had spoke with was beautiful, he didn't feel worthy of such a precious question. Slowly trying to put the words together in his head he wanted to respond with, Kimi became aware that he was holding his breath.  
Turning to face Sebastian, he allowed the Germans hands to rest instead on his back, Kimi's firmly placed on his chest.

Kimi looked Sebastian in the eye, noticing the apprehension in them. Sebastian would need his support and acceptance before he was willing to take it from anyone else. The question was a no brainer really.

"Only if you'll be mine?"

Sebastian smiled and threw his arms around Kimi, squeezing him tighter than he ever had before. He laughed in Kimi's ear, showering his whole face with kisses, much to the delight of Kimi, who would never admit it.  
Once Sebastian was finished his attack, Kimi leaned back on the railing, still both sets of arms wrapped around each other's bodies.  
They smiled at each other before kissing with so much love it surprised them both.

~.~.~.~.~

It was after midnight when they arrived back in the hotel room, champagne bottle in hand. They wanted to celebrate their day, the day the officially began their life together. Deciding to get ready for bed first, they changed into pyjamas, Kimi having stopped via his room to move his possessions, and then jumped into bed. 

Sebastian opened the bottle and poured two glasses, handing one to Kimi.  
"Here's to our perfect day" The German said, raising his glass and moving it towards Kimi's to clink. Kimi however, moved his glass away.

"No, here's to you, my boyfriend. Here's to us." He then clinked against Sebastian's glass, much to the smiles and admiration of the German.  
after a glass, Sebastian suggested they watched a film. Kimi agreed and want off to brush his teeth.  
In the bathroom, Kimi reflected on his day, the sights he'd seen, the memories he'd made. He would enjoy going though all the photos of their time in Paris with Sebastian later. 

However, he also thought about the emotional rollercoaster Sebastian was still so obviously on. Yes, he had accepted who he was, that he was attracted to Kimi and wanted a relationship- but what worried Kimi was the fact that Sebastian was still to come to terms with the idea of it being a world wide known thing.  
He acted the clown, seemingly unfazed by the negativity he received, but underneath it all, he was broken, in need of repair. 

Kimi was more than sure he was up to the job.

Smiling at his reflection, and at the job in hand he knew had, Kimi left he bathroom only to be greeted by a sleeping Sebastian.  
Kimi couldn't help but smile at his boyfriends sleeping, partly out of the warm fuzzy feeling he felt in his bones, but mainly due to the fact he had fell asleep with the 'I heart Paris' cap on that Kimi had bought him earlier.

Kissing him tendering on the head and whispering "I love you" to Sebastian, Kimi climbed into bed and wrapped himself around the man he hoped to cherish for the rest of his life.  
As he drifted off, Kimi nuzzled his face into Sebastian's neck, breathing in his scent. 

Today really had been the perfect day. It just also happened to the first day of the rest of Kimi's life. 

Start as you mean to go on as they say...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so I post my last chapter of my first ever Fic! :'( 
> 
> It's sad but at the same time I hope I have finished on a high with Kimi and Sebastian being happy together. I may come back to this as the 2014 season gets under way, I might decide on a sequel. Never say never! :)
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has read this, left kudos and lovely comments. I especially want to thank the people who encouraged me to carry on with this when I received the negative comments and had to change my story half way through! 
> 
> And I hope If you ever do get to visit the wonder that is Paris, you think of Simi at the top of the Eiffel Tower! ;)
> 
> <3 <3


End file.
